Emotionally Frozen
by CookieDoughMonster
Summary: He couldn't be serious, could he? "Marry Me?" he said "Excuse Me?" I replied. I barely even knew him and he me. "It wasn't a request, it was an order. MARRY ME! Or else you know consequences can be severe.". How does one reply to that? AH AU E/B OOC - To be continued seperately
1. Prologue

**This is my first ever fanfic that I am posting. I've written many but never posted any!**

**Tell me how this sounds, and if you people think that its worth it please tell me so I'll continue it, and if it seems like crap tell me so I'll discontinue!**

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Disclaimer~

I apparently don't own anything, although like most people I wish I did!

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_*~*Prologue*~*_

The one thing I never learned properly was how to love someone.

Sure I loved my parents, my friends but I had never been able to _fall_ _in love_.

I had seen my parents divorce at a very young age and that made me realise just how much love could hurt someone.

Granted I had also seen the love Jasper and Alice had, the love Rosalie and Emmett had but what were the chances that I would find love like that?

After all one out of every two marriages failed!

Even though I knew it was unrealistic and not possible I dreamed of a fairytale ending, where my Prince Charming would save me from my demons and then we'd ride into the sunset to live happily ever after.

Even though I deemed it impossible I never stopped dreaming or hoping for that matter.

My dad had once told me that I should always keep either my head or my feet on the ground and the other in the clouds (feet on the ground and head in the clouds or vice versa).

At first I didn't understand what he meant, but now I understood it crystal clear.

It meant that if both of them were at the same place together no matter the ground or clouds I would go mad!

But right now I didn't know what this was or what was happening.

Was this love or some sort of like?

Was it possible to love someone like him after everything he had done to me?

I knew that he had a messed up past and some part of him was still broken and hurting but that didn't excuse all the pain he had given me or did it?

But wasn't love the wrong thing to do?

Hadn't I seen time and time again how love had hurt someone to the brink of death, of suicide?

He had told me time and time again that he loved me but was it possible, or was it all lust that he had mistaken as love?

I knew that I didn't have many –scratch that – **any** way of getting out of this, he had made it clear, so what was I to do now?

Should I listen to my heart or head?

Why couldn't they both agree one the same thing?

Why was it that my heart was screaming something and my head contradicting it?

Should I risk everything or stay behind the walls that I had carefully crafted to stay behind?

The feelings were there, but should I act on them or silence them?

Silencing my feelings would surely make them go away, right?

_**But the main question was should I or should I not love Edward Masen?**_

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_*~*Mama never told me how to love  
Daddy never told me how to feel  
Mama never told me how to touch  
Daddy never showed me how to heal_

Mama never set a good example  
Daddy never held Mama's hands  
Mama found everything hard to handle  
Daddy never stood up like a man

I've walked around broken, emotionally frozen  
Getting it on, getting it wrong

_It's hard to talk, to say what's deep inside  
It's hard to tell the truth, when you've always lied_

_How do you love someone and make it last?_

_How do you love someone without getting hurt?  
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt?  
So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun  
How do you love, how do you love someone?*~*_

**

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**

A/N~

**The song is "How Do You Love?" Ashley Tisdale**

**And please do review and tell me if I should continue or not!**

**Thanks**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	2. Of New Starts and Happy Times

**A/N**

**This is the first real chapter, and please do tell me if I should continue or not!**

**R&R please!**

* * *

Disclaimer~

I wish I owned this but apparently I don't! (But a girl can dream right?)

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_Chapter 1: Of New Starts and Happy Times_

*~*2006*~*

As I sat by my desk, completing yet another assignment and listening to the faint pitter patter of the rain, I once again got the feeling that I was being watched.

I had been getting this feeling many times since I had started studying for my Masters for Business Administration.

Alice and I were studing together at UoW, we had been best friends since kindergarten and after high school we had decided to attend UoW together.

Alice was majoring in fashion design.

I always told Alice whenever I got this feeling, and she always brushed it off saying that all the mystery novels that I had read were getting to me.

I got of my desk and made my way to my bedroom window, looking outside everything seemed normal.

It was just another evening, dark and rainy.

I glanced at my side table alarm clock, seeing that it was already ten pm.

Alice would be coming home anytime now.

Alice, unlike me, liked to play the field.

I had never had a boyfriend or dated anyone, seeing as though all the boys I had ever met were jerks, or perverts.

The hair on my neck rose as I once again got the feeling that I was being watched.

I looked out the window again, trying to find something that looked out of place or suspicious, but like before I ended up with nothing.

Yet I still couldn't shake off the feeling.

I closed the curtains, turning my back to the window.

Maybe Alice was right, I did need to stop reading mystery novels!

*~*2008*~*

Today was the day.

Today was the day my suffering would end.

Today was the day I finally got my Masters and then I'd hopefully be on my way to a job and real life.

To say that I was excited or nervous would be an understatement.

Alice had woken me up twelve hours prior to the occasion, just to get me all dolled up for the occasion.

I loved that pixie to bits and pieces but there was only so much you could do before you pissed Bella Swan.

And a pissed Bella Swan was not a good Bella Swan.

Waking up early + Bella Swan = A really pissed and bitchy Bella Swan

So being me and under the influence of sleep, I flipped her the finger, mumbled incoherently and kicked her out of my room – only after she promised that she wouldn't try to wake me up for at least another eight hours!

Snuggling into bed, I once again drifted off to sleep.

~13 hours later~

It was done!

I had finally done it!

I had finally gotten my MBA!

I was freakin' proud of myself!

Today my mom had flown in from Arizona, and my dad had come from Forks just to watch me graduate!

As I searched fro my best friend of a pixie (or any other familiar face) in the massive crowd, I once again got the feeling that I was being watched.

I looked around trying to find the source, but like always I found nothing.

For the last two and a half years I would constantly get this feeling, it would raise Goosebumps along the back of my neck to the end of my spine.

I looked around me, trying to find the source, but apparently noone seemed to be even remotely interested in me.

As I walked through the crowd searching for a familiar face I constantly got the feeling that I was under someone's scrutiny.

Continuing my search, my eyes found beautiful green ones. To call them beautiful green eyes would be an understatement. They were more than beautiful, they were breathtakingly gorgeous and the green colour was simply enticing. And they were more like windows to the soul than eyes.

Without realising it I seemed to have gotten lost in those gorgeous green eyes.

Shaking my head and clearing all coherent and incoherent thought from my head, I looked around the eyes to the face.

And yet again I was rendered speechless.

Beyond those eyes was a perfectly straight nose, prominent cheek bones, a perfectly chiselled jaw, and a beautiful unusual shade of floppy messy bronze hair.

Looking from his face to his body, I was not disappointed to find that even though he wore a snugly fitting T and black jeans his body seemed perfectly toned.

He wasn't overly muscled, and he wasn't exactly lean, he was perfect!

Looking back into his eyes I was surprised to find that they were shining with pride and some other emotion that I could not name.

I was working up the courage to walk up to him when I heard someone calling my name.

I snapped my head towards the source, only to find Alice skipping – more like dancing- towards me.

For today had been a great day for her too, she had gotten her fashion desining degree as well.

As she came to stand beside me I turned my head back to where I had seen him only a few minutes ago, but now he wasn't there.

I scanned the crowd for that peculiar and unusual shade of bronze hair but I came up empty handed.

_Where was he?_

_Why was he here?_

_And who was he?_

*~*Present Day*~*

I looked out my office window as I thought about the last year.

It had now been a year since my graduation day, and I still couldn't get those beautifully breathtaking green eyes or the face attached to it out of my mind.

After getting my MBA, and many references from my professors I had been successful in finding a job.

And it wasn't just a job; it was Human Resources Manager at 'Cullen & Masen Inc.'

'Cullen & Masen Inc' had been founded by two best friends, Carlisle Cullen Sr. and Anthony Masen Jr.

After they had passed away, they had passed down the company to their sons Carlisle Cullen Jr. and Edward Masen Sr.

Carlisle Cullen (or Mr. Cullen) didn't have any sons, but he did have a daughter who also worked here.

She and I had become instant friends when I had joined this company.

Rosalie Hale Cullen may seem like a bitch at first but at heart she was a really loving, caring and self-less person.

She was one of those platinum blondes who you would expect to be on modelling magazine covers, but Rosalie unlike them preferred spending her free time under a car.

She was engaged to Emmett McCarty, his family owned two cellular companies -which had now spread through the US to the whole world.

I had met Emmett on various occasions, and each time he had treated me like I was his own sister- big bone crushing bear hugs, protecting me from men who looked at me wrong and he was there when I had needed a shoulder to cry on.

It was hard to not love him; he had a happy and cheerful personality, he may look huge from the outside but he was just a big teddy bear on the inside.

Rosalie and Emmett were perfect for each other and one day they would surely make great parents.

But Edward Masen Sr.'s son I had never met.

While I had always worked in the head office at Seattle he always was at the branch at Chicago.

I had never actually gotten to meet Edward Anthony Masen Jr. but I had heard numerous rumours about him.

They were all bullshit but people who didn't have anything better to do obviously listened to it, discussed it, and believed it!

But if I was being honest with myself, I wanted to meet the guy who everyone was always talking about.

But on numerous occasions i had heard from Edward Sr. or the Cullen's about how great and ambitious person he was.

Rosalie had told me that he had studied at Cambridge and then moved back to the US, for a few years he had worked at the head office here at Seattle, and had moved to Chicago only a few days before I had started working here.

She had also given me countless descriptions on how yummy, hot and delicious he was. At this I had reminded her of Emmett and she had stated that she thought of Edward as a brother and didn't think of him that way but she could still appreciate his looks!

Alice and I were still bestest of friends, and we both had moved to Seattle together.

Alice had started her own designer brand. After countless discussions she had named her brand 'Pixie Dust'.

Since Alice was an awesome designer and Rosalie was one of her top costumers they had quickly bonded over fashion and 'operation-Barbie-Bella-Swan'.

I absolutely loved them both to death, but when it came to Bell Barbie time my love for them quickly disappeared.

They both did not allow and understand the comfort and beauty of simple sweats, large hoodies, and old sneakers.

They had made it their mission to convert me into someone who wore stilettos and make up all the time.

To me high heels were death traps and I didn't see the point using make up when it rained most of the time in Seattle anyway.

Shaking my head to clear all thoughts I glanced at my watch to see that it was almost 10:45 am.

In 15 minutes I had to attend an extremely important meeting.

We were having a meeting with our latest clients, 'Whitlock Automobiles'.

By partnering with them it would increase our profits by up to 43%, and therefore this meeting was extremely important.

I picked up the required files that had all the important details for this partnership, and made my way to the meeting hall.

As I made my way to the meeting I couldn't help but feel that good things were about to come.

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All Good Things Come To An End - Nelly Furtado

_Honestly, what will become of me?  
I don't like reality  
It's way too clear to me_

_But really life is dandy  
We are what we don't see  
We miss everything daydreaming_

_Flames to dust  
Lovers to friends  
Why do all good things come to an end?_

_Traveling I always stop at exits  
Wondering if I'll stay  
Young and restless  
Living this way I stress less_

_I want to pull away when the dream dies  
The pain sets it and I don't cry  
I only feel gravity and I wonder why_

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**A/N**

**Please review and tell me what you think of this ff!**

**Should I continue it or not?**

**Thanks**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	3. Of Meetings and Chairmen

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A/N

**Please review this if you honestly believe that I should continue.**

**And I would like to tell you that from now on Edward Sr. will be known as Ed and Edward Jr. (the one we all know and love) will be known as plain Edward.**

**I don't have much of an idea about the positions in an office but in this story the positions are (according to highest)-**

**Carlisle- CEO and Ed- President (they are both equals)**

**Edward- Chairman**

**Rosalie- Executive Chairman**

**Bella- Manager**

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Disclaimer~

SM owns all, I m just playing around with them.

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_Chapter 2:Of Meetings and Chairman_

It had now been two weeks since the 'Whitlock Automobiles' meeting.

The meeting had been affective and due to my proficiency and hard work (that's how Carlisle put it) I was being promoted to Manager.

Today there seemed to be some sort of excitement in the air, but easily the most happiest or excited seemed to be Ed. If someone were to ask him why he was so happy he would brush it off saying 'just because'.

By the time I got to my office Angela had already placed my 'to-do-list' of the day on my desk.

Today was another average day, besides the meeting I had in three hours.

Which by the way had been marked as 'extremely important'.

**Yeah sure *mental eye roll***

As I stood facing my desk and my back to the window -which by the way was the whole wall- I once again got the feeling that I was being watched.

And when I did turn around to look out the window, like always there was nothing there. Everything seemed to be ordinary, besides a new shiny silver car parked next to mine in the VIP parking.

The VIP parking slots were like any other besides the fact that they were shaded, and the closest parking spots to the building- and there were only ten.

When I had been promoted Carlisle had given one of them to me, saying that I deserved it.

My pondering over the car was cut short as I heard my cell phone alert me to a new text-

**-B**

**We're going to that Blue Wave  
restaurant for lunch, right after  
the meeting! I'll drag you by your  
hair if I have to. And Alice said that  
she might not be able to make it!**

**-Rosalie**

Quickly replying with an OK, and trying to ignore the 'being-watched' feeling I turned on my laptop and started with my work.

~2 hours and 57 minutes later~

I looked at my watch again, noting that I only had three more minutes before the 'extremely important' meeting.

I was just about to stand up when Rosalie came barging into my room.

"Thanks for knocking, Rosalie." I said sarcastically as I lost my balance and fell directly on my ass.

**Stupid klutzy-itess! **

_***Internal Snort* you were born with it, get over it!**_

**Why am I always the only one suffering with said disorder?**

Rosalie snorted as she saw me on the floor.

"Do you enjoy being such a klutz, because everyone else definitely does!"

"Har di har har Rose, if you had also been born with klutzy-itess you would know how it feels!" I replied as she helped me stand up.

"Whatever," she stated as she rolled her eyes and led me to the door.

"So, what's this 'extremely important' meeting about anyways" I asked as we walked towards the meeting room.

"No idea, when I asked dad he said 'I would find out when I m supposed to' I hate it when he gets so cryptic!" She cried as she led me down another hallway.

"It's called 'minding your own business' not being cryptic," I told her as we reached the meeting room.

"Whatever, ok now. Deep breath" she said and with that we both entered the room.

Almost every seat around the meeting table was occupied, besides the two on each side of Carlisle.

It was tradition that the Masen's and the Cullen's (the ones that were in charge) sit at the heads of the table.

Our positions had our names on them. Rosalie was on the right on Carlisle while I was on his left; therefore Rosalie was exactly opposite me.

It seemed as though we were waiting for two more people, because the chairs next to me and Rosalie were both empty and also because no one had yet to start the meeting.

As we sat in the extremely silent meeting room the atmosphere got thicker with every passing second.

After a few minutes- which by the way felt like hours- the door opened and two people walked in.

As I raised my head to see who had entered I was surprised to see Jasper Whitlock- heir to 'Whitlock Automobiles'-enter the room.

I was even more surprised when I saw the man after him. It was the mystery man who had been invading my dreams and daydreams ever since my graduation.

As I looked at his eyes –which hadn't change one bit- I once again got lost in them, it was as if time had frozen and we were in our own bubble.

The bubble that was pooped when I heard the chair next to me being pulled out.

As I averted my eyes to Rosalie I was shocked to see that even she seemed surprised. I tried to avoid looking at the chair next to her, where apparently Mr. Hot Bod had sat down.

"Glad to see that you both have finally decided to join us," Carlisle said in a mock scolding tone.

Carlisle was by far the most patient and non-violent person I had ever seen, it was hard to believe that Rosalie was his biological daughter.

"Sorry, we got held up," it was Jasper who replied from beside me. Part of me was disappointed that it wasn't Mr. Hot Bod who replied, the same one who seemed to be drilling holes in the side of my head as I tried to keep my attention on what Carlisle was saying but at the same time I seemed to be failing miserably.

"Now that you both have finally arrived, Ed and I would like to discuss two things with you. The first would be that we are planning on launching a new product, I have emailed you the details and I would like it very much if our Executive Chairman, Chairman, and Manager discuss it and present us with the finalized overall idea." Informed Carlisle.

"Who's the Chairman?" Rosalie and I asked together. It was kinnda funny how Rosalie and I were so similar and attuned.

Everyone looked at us simultaneously stunned, that is every one beside Carlisle, Ed, Jasper and Mr. Hot Bod who seemed to be downright laughing.

Carlisle and Ed had witnessed this multiple times before, so they were not surprised.

I kept my eyes glued on the desk, as I wished the blood flow to my cheeks to stop!

**Damn blush!**

_**Even Mr. Hot Bod was laughing!**_

**Great first impression, huh?**

"That's the second thing that we would like to talk about," said Ed as he and Carlisle stood up, "I would like you all to join me in welcoming back my son and our new Chairman, Edward Masen Jr."

As Mr. Hot Bod stood up I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips. Apparently it had been lost in the applause as Carlisle patted his back.

Rosalie hadn't missed it and gave me a look saying 'you'll-be-telling-me-all-about-that" as I joined the applause half-heartedly.

**Perfect!**

_**What exactly do I tell her, "Oh hey Rosalie I've been dreaming and day dreaming about your god-brother for a year now, and they weren't exactly innocent dreams either!"**_

**I m sure that conversation would go great with her!**

_**It honestly wasn't my fault he was so attractive, blame his parents!**_

**And cue *mental eye roll*.**

And with that the meeting was over.

As everyone started to leave, I couldn't help but ogle at the perfection that was Edward.

As if feeling my gaze he turned around to look at me, and I was again sucked into those gorgeous green emeralds.

I was snapped out of my reverie as Rosalie stood up, making sure to drag her chair extremely loudly across the floor.

As Rosalie pulled me out of the meeting room, I couldn't help but steal a last glance at Edward. And I was surprised to learn that the said person seemed to be looking at me too, with an unrecognizable expression on his face.

**Uh, what I wouldn't give to know what he was thinking!**

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Anything For You- Evanescence

_I'd give anything to give me to you  
Can you forget the world that you thought you knew  
If you want me,  
Come and find me  
Nothing's stopping you so please release me_

_I'll believe  
All your lies  
Just pretend you love me  
Make believe  
Close your eyes  
I'll be anything for you_

_Nothing left to make me feel anymore  
There's only you and everyday I need more  
If you want me  
Come and find me  
I'll do anything you say just tell me_

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**A/N**

**Please, please do review and tell me your feelings and thoughts about this ff!**

**Thanks**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	4. Of Bouquets and Freesia

**A/N**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted this story!**

**It really means a lot to me!**

**This is the third chapter so please, please read and review!**

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Disclaimer ~ I own nothing SM does, though I wish I did!

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_Chapter 3:Of Bouquets and Freesia_

Lunch with Rosalie had been just as I had predicted it would be.  
She had spent the whole hour talking about wedding preparations and Emmett.

Thankfully she didn't bring up Edward in any of our conversations, but I knew better than to get my hopes up. She would breach the subject whenever I would least expect it.

And now, an hour later, I was sitting on my desk going through the details Carlisle had sent us.

I was so absorbed in the email that I almost missed the knock on my door - almost.

"Come in," I called out to whoever it was on the other side.

"Oh, hey," it was Angela.

"Can you please help me open the door, my hands are kinnda full here?" she asked as she popped her head through the door.

"Sure," I said as I held the door open for her.

As Angela entered the room I couldn't help but notice the humongous bouquet in her hand.

"Wow! I know you love me Angela, but don't you think that this is a tad bit too much? What about Ben? He'd be heart broken!" I teased her as she laid it down on the sofa - which being against the wall in front of my desk - was in my direct line of view.

"Really funny Bells, you know full well that I have better taste than that!" Angela said as she winked at me.

"That hurt," I told her as I placed a hand on my heart and fake winced.

"Anyways why the bouquet? Who's it for?" I asked her, curiosity getting the better of me.

"It's for you," Angela told me in what was supposed to be a nonchalant tone.

"Me?" I asked shocked, who would send me a bouquet and why?

"Yes, you. I found them on my desk after I came back from my lunch break. There was a piece of paper with it only saying 'For Bella'. So I thought that maybe you were expecting it or such." Angela replied, seeming genuinely surprised.

"Oh," I replied absentmindedly as I wondered who in the world would send me such a beautiful and expensive bouquet. There seemed to be all kinds of different flowers, mostly wild. And by the looks and the size I wouldn't be surprised if it cost more than a thousand bucks.

"Anyways I wanted to tell you that I'll be leaving early today and I might not be able to make it tomorrow. Ben has a horrible cold and he's been stuck in bed the whole day." Angela informed me.

"No problem, tell him to feel better. And don't come back until he's all better,"

"Thanks Bella," Angela said as she gave me a short hug and left me alone to my thoughts and the mysterious bouquet.

Picking up the bouquet I was mildly surprised at how heavy it was.

As I looked through the flowers, trying to identify them, I was surprised to find a little card tucked between the freesias.

It read-

_Dearest Isabella,  
Please meet me at  
8 pm sharp at La Bella Italia Restaurant  
Reservations under the name 'Freesia'_

I flipped the card over, hoping to find a name or at least some clue as to who had sent me all this.

Freesia? I looked at the bouquet again, granted I had found this card between the freesias but why was the reservation under some flower instead of his or her real name?

~A few hours later~

It was now 7 pm and I was on my way home. The bouquet was sitting in the passenger seat, it was like some neon sign demanding my attention.

I still wasn't sure about whether I should accept the invitation and go or should I just ignore it.

**But not going would mean not finding out who would send me such a beautiful bouquet and why.**

_**But what if going wasn't safe? What if it was some serial killer or rapist, or some fugitive from the law?**_

**But if it was someone like that why would he or she invite me to a public place?**

_**You never know!**_

**And you never will if you don't go!**

Finally deciding that the pros of going were more than the cons, I made up my mind to go.

Entering the apartment – the one I shared with Alice – I wasn't surprised to see that she wasn't home yet.

One of the best things so being your own boss was that you could choose your working hours. And Alice definitely used it to her advantage.

But today she had a 'special-second-date' after work.

He was a client, who came to her boutique to buy a business suit and left with a date!

Normally Alice would be gushing or ranting about her dates but this time she was extremely close lipped about the guy.

As I stripped out of my clothes and jumped into the shower, I was for once wishing that Alice was here to work her magic on me.

I felt my muscles relax under the spray of hot-water. It calmed my nerves to a degree.

Lathering my head with my favourite shampoo and my body with my favourite lavender and freesia body wash, I couldn't help but be comforted by their scents. I knew that this would only last while I was in the shower so I basked in it while I could, trying to make the most of it while I could.

By the time I was done with my shower, it was already 7:30 pm.

Wrapping a towel around my body and steeping out of the bathroom, I felt the nervousness creep back in,

By the time I had chosen what to wear, butterflies had decided to host a full blown tea-party in my stomach.

I had chosen a simple knee-length black dress, along with a matching clutch and matching black flat Spartans (all put together and designed by the owner of 'Pixie Dust'-aka Alice).

Since I was not such a huge fan of make-up, I only dabbed a small amount of foundation, gave my eyes the smoky look, and a slight amount of lip-gloss.

Deciding to keep my hair down and straight, I was done!

Looking into the mirror one last time before hopping out, I was pleased to see that I did look pretty good. Not my usual self, but better than normal.

By the time I was in my car and had started my engine, I was pleased to see that it was only 7:50 pm.

La Bella Italia (LBI) was pretty close to my apartment, five minutes if there was no traffic and it got more and more when the traffic got more and more.

Seeing as there was traffic, and a lot of it, I was 5 minutes late when I reached LBI.

Cutting off my engine and getting out of my car, my nerves increased tenfold.

Self-consciously making my way to the restaurant, I could feel the panic rising within.

**Was it too late to turn back?**

_**Did I really want to find out who it was that had invited me?**_

**What if whoever had sent that bouquet meant another Isabella and not me?**

_**What if whoever it was changed their minds and decided not to come?**_

**What if whoever it was freaked out when they saw me?**

My ponderings were interrupted by the hostess (Amber- as her name plate read) who asked me whether I had a reservation.

A soon as I told her 'freesia' her professional yet forced smile turned hostile and sincere.

She measured me up as she led me to towards the back of the restaurant – where the private booths were.

Amber stopped at the last one and ushered me in. To say that I was surprised who was there waiting for me would be an understatement.

* * *

Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse

_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth  
I'm closer to where I started  
Chasing after you  
I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

_Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me now..._

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**A/N**

**I know that this chapter isn't exactly what you guys might have wanted, its more of a filler!**

**But please do still review and tell me your thoughts on this story!**

**I'll try to update again by Wednesday or earlier!**

**Thanks**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	5. Of Parks and Proposals

**A/N**

**This was a pretty difficult chappie to write, so please R&R!**

**Thank you to everyone who favourited, alerted and reviewed this story!**

**

* * *

** Disclaimer~

everything you recognize belongs to SM!

* * *

_Chapter 3:Of Parks and Proposals_

_Amber stopped at the last one and ushered me in. To say that I was surprised to see who was there waiting for me would be an understatement._

There he was, sitting there waiting for me, Edward Masen.

The booth was quite small; it seemed to be big enough for two, maybe three people max.

There was a small table for two in the center of the room. And in the middle of the table was a single candle, which by the way was the only source of light in the whole room.

Judging by the décor the theme of this restaurant was obviously 'romantic'.

I had been so busy observing my surroundings that I didn't notice that Edward had stood from his chair and was now pulling mine out, until I heard the small squeak it produced when it rubbed against the floor.

He sat me down and pushed the chair back in.

**A gentleman too?**

**Whoever said 'Chivalry is dead' obviously never met Edward Masen.**

As he sat back down, we were enveloped in an awkward silence.

When a waitress came with our menus, I could have kissed her for ignoring and getting rid of the huge elephant in the room.

"How's it like being back in Seattle after such a long time?" I know that it was a lame question but it was the first question that came to my mind.

"It's pleasant, not much has changed. But a few things have definitely improved since I was last here." He replied gazing at the candle. The way he said the last sentence made my cheeks heat up.

"Really? What might they be?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

He glanced up from the candle and looked very intently on my face. His eyes were filled with curiosity and some other emotion that I couldn't name.

He was about to answer, when the waitress came back asking for our order.

I quickly glanced at my menu and ordered the first thing I noticed.

"So what is it that has improved since the last time you were here?" I asked again, as soon as the waitress left after taking our orders.

"You'll find out soon enough," he replied in a barely audible voice.

Realizing his obvious uneasiness and reluctance to answer the question, I changed the subject to asking him something which had been nagging me ever since I had first seen the invitation in the bouquet.

"So, why'd you invite me?" I asked genuinely curious.

He looked in my eyes intently for a moment before finally replying.

"I wanted someone to talk to. Everyone else was busy." He said solemnly.

"But I m curious as to why me? I mean surely some friend of yours must have been available?"

"I don't have any real friends besides Emmett and Jasper. Do you regret coming?" he asked, intently searching my eyes for something.

"No, I don't regret it. But I am honestly shocked and flattered, especially since I m not exactly the most interesting person to be around." I answered looking at my clasped hands- which were in my lap, under the table- unable to meet his gaze.

"I don't believe that one bit. I actually believe that you are an extremely interesting person to be around." He stated as he stared unabashedly at me. I couldn't help but blush at the intensity of his gaze.

I have no idea how long we sat there, lost in each others eyes, until we were interrupted by the waitress who had just appeared with our food and drinks.

"Why don't we get to know each other better?" Edward offered as soon as the waitress left.

"I'd like that," I replied extremely pleased that he actually wanted to get to know me.

"Your favourite colour?" he asked promptly

"Blue, and yours?" I asked back.

Ands that exactly how the rest of the dinner went, both of us asking the other important yet basic questions.

*~*~* 1 ½ hour later *~*~*

By the time we were done with dinner, it was 10pm.

I guess Edward was just as reluctant as I was to end the evening this early.

As soon as we exited the restaurant, Edward asked me to join him for a walk at a nearby park.

And me being me and not wanting a chance to be alone with him immediately agree.

We both decided to take our own cars, just in case it would get late and so neither of us would have to come back to get either car.

As Edward led the way and I followed, I couldn't help but wonder that whether this was a date or just a dinner with friends.

When we reached the park I was surprised to see that it was empty, not a person in sight.

The park in question seemed to be the type where you would find a couple pushing a stroller, or someone jogging early in the morning, or where someone would come to walk their dogs- all that in daylight off course.

But at night time the park seemed to be the type where you would see couples walking hand in hand- under the stars, moonlight and twinkling lights (which FYI were wrapped around every single tree)- enjoying the romantic atmosphere.

Entering the park, Edward placed his hand on the small of my back. All my nerve endings seemed to be on high alert, and it was impossible to ignore the slight jolt I felt when he touched me.

The park was even more beautiful from the inside. There was a simple walking track and on each side were trees (covered in twinkling lights) and in between the trees were various flower bushes.

"This place is beautiful, Edward" I told him honestly.

"I know. Esme would bring me here everyday, after my mother passed away." He told me, a hint of melancholy in his voice. I immediately felt guilty for bringing up such a painful subject as his mothers death.

"Sorry," I told him quietly.

"You didn't know, anyways I brought you here to ask you a very important question. I would like to talk to you about something." He said his voice back to its natural tone.

"Sure, shoot." I told him as he led us to a small bench under the trees.

He sat down and took my hand in his for reassurance, as he took a deep breath to ready himself for whatever he was going to say.

"The thing is that I m in love. I've been in love with this woman for a little over two years. I've been watching her from afar but recently I got to know her more, talk to her have a real conversation, if you know what I mean," he looked at me from under his eyelashes and I nodded for him to continue.

"I m not sure about how she feels about me or if she notices me, but what I do know is that I love her more than anything and cannot bear to lose her in any way. Hell, she's been the sole reason for my existence for the last two + years. At first I was afraid to actually meet her, talk to her, because I feared that she wouldn't be what I expected or she would be a disappointment. But she wasn't, she is everything I'd ever asked for in a woman and all the things that I hadn't considered asking for." I sat stunned at his revelations, he really seemed to be in love with _this girl_, and I couldn't help but feel jealous of_ her_.

_She_ had someone who loved her so deeply and _she_ most probably took it for granted, what I wouldn't do for love like that….

"And now I've decided to throw caution to the wind and tell her that I love her, and immediately get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage."

I was now pretty shocked. Was he serious, would he really get down on one knee immediately?

"But what if she isn't ready for the commitment or doesn't love you back?" I asked him in a quiet voice, concerned for him and whoever he was in love with.

"I freakin' love her, my whole life has been revolving around her ever since I first saw her! I can't – wont – let her go! Never! I m willing to do _anything_ to make her mine, even if it means blackmail and living up to it." He told me, letting go of my hand and putting his face in his hands.

"What do you mean 'blackmail'?" I asked meekly.

"I mean exactly that, I m willing to blackmail her to being with me. Even if it would mean harming my future in-laws. I really don't want to hurt her in any way, not emotionally or physically, but I will resort to it if she doesn't comply with my sole demand."

I had never known what it meant to be 'scared into shock' but I knew the feeling perfectly well now.

"There's only one more thing I'd like to say now," he told me. The determination in his voice and the fire blazing in his eyes told me that he had meant everything he had said yet and what he was about to say would be the most important yet.

I nodded my head, encouraging him to continue.

He got off the bench and slipped onto one knee in front of me. He clasped both my hands in one of his and he used the other one to hold my face as though I was the most fragile thing ever.

"Marry me Isabella," he said as he stroked my cheek lovingly.

"Excuse me?" I asked, he couldn't be serious could he? I mean I barely knew him and he me.

And anyways he had told me that he had been in love with a woman, according to him she was the _perfect_ woman, and he couldn't possibly be talking about little ol' me!

"I am in love with you Isabella Swan. I love everything about you from the way you scrunch up your nose when your in thought to the way you're passionate about everyone and anyone you've ever met. The thing is that you could either marry me Isabella or you could watch as I have anyone you've ever been close to being hunt down. After all accidents do seem to happen in your fathers' profession, do they not? And I've heard that the crime rate in Seattle has been increasing, and it really would be a shame if a particular popular designer were to go missing." He stated as though he was merely stating what type of weather we would have tomorrow.

My face seemed abnormally cold and pale as all the blood from there vanished.

I closed my eyes trying to will myself to not cry.

"I really don't want to hurt you Isabella. You mean _everything_ to me. I don't want to hurt you emotionally or physically! But if that is the way I can have you, so be it. Like I said I m willing to do _anything_ and _everything_."

He kept rubbing his thumb over my cheek as he pulled my face upwards to meet his.

I could see nothing but the flame of determination in his eyes.

"Marry me Isabella," he whispered.

I looked at him through my teary and glazed eyes, I still couldnt believe that he was serious.

"It wasn't a request, it was an order. Marry me Isabella, or you the consequences can be severe." He commanded once more, his voice rising a few octaves higher.

And how does one reply to that?

* * *

Sick Cycle Carousel - Lifehouse

_If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like me.  
If it had a home, would it be in my eyes?  
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this  
Well here we go, now one more time,_

I tried to climb your steps,  
I tried to chase you down,  
I tried to see how low I could get to down to the ground,  
I tried to earn my way,  
I tried to change this mind,  
You better believe that I tried to beat this.  
When will this end, it goes on and on  
Over, and over, and over again.  
Keep spinning around I know it won't stop,  
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here  
I never thought I'd be standing where I am  
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this,  
I guess I was wrong  
Now one more time  
This is a sick cycle carousel

* * *

**A/N**

**Please R&R!**

**Thanks**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	6. Of Requests and Epiphanies

**A/N**

**Thank you soooo much to everyone who reviewed, I was planning on replying to each and every one but I thought that you guys might prefer a new chapter instead!**

**Love you all and thank you soooooo much!**

**Please R&R!**

* * *

Disclaimer~

Everything you recognize belongs to SM, but Edward owns me!

* * *

_Chapter 5:Of Requests and Epiphanies_

_"It wasn't a request, it was an order. Marry me Isabella, or you the consequences can be severe." He commanded once more, his voice rising a few octaves higher._

_And how does one reply to that?_

Tears were now freely flowing down my face.

How was I supposed to answer such a question?

"I don't know what to say," I told him honestly.

"Say you'll be mine. I promise I'll love you everyday of forever, I'll worship the very ground you walk on, I'll treat you like a queen and you'll never want for anyone or anything else! Please just say yes!" he told me desperately.

"But why me, I m no one special. We're both on opposite ends of a scale. Your Edward-freakin-Masen, billionaire extraordinaire, the third person on the list of the most eligible bachelors of Washington, heir to Cullen&Masen Co. Whereas me? I m no one, from nowheres-ville Forks, I m just an employee at your company. You can obviously do so much better! So why me?" I asked him perplexed.

He looked at me, his eyes wide as if he was in shock, "You don't see yourself clearly, do you?" he asked, it was clearly a rhetorical question.

"Do you have any idea how special you are? Do you have any idea what I see when I look at you? You obviously don't see the way me and every other man who sees you seems to be drooling over you! Please say yes Isabella, please say you'll marry me!"

I looked into his eyes and all I could see in them was desperation and panic.

**Could I really mean so much to a person?**

_**Was it possible that he was so in love in with me?**_

**Could – or should – marry him?**

_**What if this was just some crush or maybe he was just feeling lust?**_

His thumb was still stroking my cheek lovingly.

**But could I say no?**

_**What about my dad and Alice?**_

**He had clearly stated that if I were to decline he would have them hunted down, and no doubt hurt! Could I have that happening on my conscious?**

_**Was accepting his proposal the right thing to do?**_

**Was I ready for such a commitment?**

_**I really didn't have much of a choice on this, but was I willing to tie myself to someone like that?**_

"Do you really love me? I mean are you sure that this isn't just some crush, passing fancy or overpowering lust? Are you sure that it's love? Are you sure that you wont fall out of love with me?" I asked him, trying to look at his face through my tear driven eyes.

"I m sure that this is nothing but love, I truly love you Isabella. If there were some way for me to show you I would, I guess time alone will show you!" there was nothing but strong conviction in his voice.

"You really, really love me?" I asked him for reassurance.

"Yes, and I plan on using the rest of my life proving it to you. If there were anyway for me to show you how much you mean to me I would, but please don't ask me to stay away. That would truly kill me, please just say that you'll have me!" he said to me desperately.

"Can I please think about it? Can you please give me some time? Please?" I begged.

"Isabella I m no-" he started to say but I immediately cut him off.

"I m not saying no Edward, I m just asking you to give me a few moments by myself. This is a huge life altering decision, so please can I please have a few hours by myself, just to think about it and to get my head around it? Please?" I asked him desperately.

I looked at him through my teary eyes and I could see the uncertainty clearly written all over his face and eyes.

"Please Edward, please." I begged desperately, averting my eyes and instead staring at the ground.

"You have no idea what it does to me seeing you crying and pleading like this," he told me his eyes seeming pained.

"Please," I whispered pleadingly once more.

Lifting my head to look into his eyes I was surprised to see they seemed to be pained yet certain of whatever decision he had come up with.

I held my breath waiting for the final answer.

"Are you sure?" he asked me one last time.

I only nodded at him, not sure if my voice would be able to support me.

He slowly stood up, pulling my up with him.

Once he was standing he cradled my face in his hands and placed a lingering kiss on my forehead.

"Meet me at Starbucks – the one in front of your apartment – at exactly 2 pm sharp tomorrow with your final answer! Please! And I can promise you that if you were to not show up or if you were to decline something disastrous may happen to your father or your best friend." I was once again amazed at the way he was threatening me, as if he was only stating what type of shoes he was wearing.

Could he really be so cold hearted?

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice coming out broken.

"Anything for you my Isabella," he stated firmly, as he once again kissed my forehead.

I was in an extremely numb state as Edward led me to my car and seated me in before closing the door.

I didn't seem to remember the ride home, or my normal get-ready-for-bed routine until I was in my bed and awaken out of my trance.

I was glad that Alice wasn't home yet or she would have definitely asked me millions of questions and I didn't feel like acting normal for anyone, because I certainly felt anything but.

As I lay in bed thinking about everything that happened today, it all seemed unreal to me as though I was in some book or movie. I half expected Edward to call me and say that it was all a joke and that he didn't mean any of it, but I knew that it wasn't possible, this was my life!

Part of me screamed at me to call the police and have him reported, after all in every movie and book I knew with situations like this the same thing would always happen.

Person gets threatened, the one threatening threatens that if he were to be reported to the police something bad would happen to the person being threatened, person being threatened would somehow tell the police and then the one being threatened would live happily ever after.

But I knew exactly why I couldn't call the police, not because I was incapable but because I didn't want to.

Because I had seen something in his eyes, the same something that was in my eyes after I heard about my moms' suicide.

It had taken years of therapy sessions with my shrink to get rid of the ancient sadness in my eyes!

And that's exactly what I had seen in Edward's eyes today, there was ancient sadness and hurt in his eyes.

Some part of me knew that there was a broken and hurting part of Edward and I ached for his pain, but at the same time some sick part of me felt glad that he also felt pain since it was only fair!

About three things I was now absolutely certain

Some part of Edward Masen was hurting, and it was obviously eating him up inside.

I was going to help him get rid of the pain and sadness I had seen in his eyes, no matter how much pain he put me through. Maybe after he was healed he would realize that he really didn't love me nor does he want me.

And I now knew what my answer was going to be for tomorrow.

And with that I fell into a restless and fitful sleep.

* * *

Hello – Evanescence

_Playground school bell rings, again_

_Rainclouds come to play, again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I m your mind giving you someone to talk to… Hello…_

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me I m not broken_

_Hello, I m the lie living for you so you can hide…_

_Don't cry_

_Suddenly I know that I m not sleeping_

_Hello, I m still here, all that's left_

_Of yesterday…_

* * *

**A/N**

**I know you guys hate me for living a cliffi _again!_**

**But rest assured the next chapter will answer the question!**

**i know that this is the shortest chapter yet, but the next chappie will make up for it! i promise!**

**And if you might have noticed this story is 'M' rated, and starting from next chappie it will start living upto its rating.**

**If you guys don't like to read suicidal themes and angst I would advise you to stop reading this story right now!**

**And the next chappie will be Edwards POV! So that sould keep you all in suspense!**

**Since lessons have started today I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I'll try to update asap!**

**R&R**

**I truly love you all for reading and reviewing!**

**xoxo**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	7. Of Literal and Emotional Burns

**A/N**

**Thank you sooooooo much to you all! Every single review means a lot to me and I wanna thank everyone and anyone who has been reading, and reviewing this story! I truly love you all!**

**As you may have noticed this story is 'M' rated, and it kinnda lives up to its rating in this chappie. If any of you don't like suicidal themes, hurt and language please do stop here.**

**So here's the much awaited EPOV and Bella's decision!**

**Please R&R**

* * *

Disclaimer~ SM owns all, I'm just playing around with her characters.

* * *

_Chapter 6:Of Literal and Emotional Burns_

*~*~*~*~*~*

"_Mom, where are you?" I called out as I walked down the stairs._

"_Mom," I called again when I reached the bottom._

"_Lady Elizabeth's in the kitchen. I had just finished cleaning up when she came to tell me that she was preparing a surprise for you and your father, and she said that she would like to do it alone without anyone's help or interference." Emily said, as she exited the parlour._

_Emily's words were like a punch to the gut, the last time she has said that she had ended up trying to…_

_**Don't think like that Edward**_

_**She's been having therapy sessions, she's getting better Edward**_

_**She couldn't possibly be doing it all again…**_

_I pushed the thoughts out of my mind as I ran towards the kitchen, ignoring Emily's calls from behind me._

_**How could Emily let her?**_

_**Of course she could, she wasn't here the last time she tried to…**_

_**Don't think like that, she's obviously improved!**_

_**Hasn't she?**_

_I tried to ignore the nagging voice but some part of me truly was doubting whether my mom had been improving or not._

_By the time I had reached the kitchen, my thoughts were a thousand miles away._

_**She's improved…**_

_**She's improved…**_

_**She's improved…**_

_I kept chanting this mantra to myself, hoping against hope that it was true._

_Peeking inside the kitchen I was relieved to see that all knives seemed to be in their holders, none missing._

_I slipped on some liquid on the kitchen floor as I entered._

_**Hadn't Emily said that she had recently cleaned the kitchen?**_

_**But then why was it still wet?**_

_I lifted my hand to brush away the hair that had fallen over my eyes as I had slipped, and that's when three things happened simultaneously._

_I realised that the liquid on the floor was not colourless, but instead it was a light, pale yellow._

_My hand smelt oddly of not water but gasoline._

_And the most horrific thing, there stood my mother in front of me. She was soaking from head to toe, furthermore in her hands was a bottle of gasoline and there was a lighter on the counter in front of her._

_I was frozen in shock, could she possibly be doing this?_

_**Yes, obviously she is!**_

_I hadn't realized that while time had frozen for me it had not frozen for anyone else._

_I was shaken out of my state of shock when I noticed that my mother was now walking towards the lighter._

_Even before I could register it, I was off the floor and racing time and my mother to the lighter._

_The good thing was that my mother didn't reach it before me, and the bad thing was that we both reached it at the same time._

_Seeing her freeze – as though she has just been electrocuted – when she saw my hand on the lighter, I'm guessing that she hadn't realise my presence in the room until now._

"_Let go off the lighter, Edward," she sneered at me. Her eyes didn't seem to have the love that they once did for me and neither did her voice. _

_Each time she spoke to me like that it was like a slap to my face or as if someone was pouring ice cold water on my heart. But I ignored it (tried to anyways) because I knew that she wasn't in her right mind right now hence her actions and therapy._

"_No mom, you need to calm down," I said to her calmly, hiding the pain in my voice._

"_I said let go, you worthless child," her words stung a lot, but I still tried to ignore it._

"_Mom, please take a deep breath and calm down," I tried telling her again persuasively._

_She glared at me menacingly, there was but pure abhor in her eyes. I tried to not show how much it hurt, but I think I failed._

"_Give me the damn lighter, you worthless, unwanted child! Didn't I tell you before that you were unwanted, a mistake? So leave me alone, and let me do what I want to do!" she screeched at me, as she tried to snatch the lighter out of my hand._

_**Don't cry**_

_**Suppress your feelings**_

_**She doesn't mean it**_

_**She really does love you**_

_**She's just not feeling well**_

_I kept chanting this again and again to myself. But I couldn't help but feel hurt at her words._

_Why did she continually say this all the time? Was I really that bad of a son?_

_I suppressed my emotions for later, most probably far late at night when I would be alone in my own bed and be able to cry it all out._

_I glanced towards the door to see how much farther backwards I would have to push her to get her out of the kitchen. But at the same exact time I noticed a very familiar yet feminine shadow running away._

"_Mom, please calm down, I'll go call your therapist. Please, we can help you!" I pleaded with her._

"_I don't need anyone's help! I'm perfectly fine! It's your entire fault you fucked up boy! It's all you fault!" She yelled at me again._

_**My fault?**_

_**How was this all my fault?**_

"_Mom pl-" I started to say but was cut off._

"_Don't call me 'mom'! My life is ruined and it's all your fault! You ruined my life, you're the reason it's so fucked up right now! I hate you! I hate you with everything I have, with everything I am. You're a nuisance, a burden, an accident! I never wanted you! Leave me alone, I hate you, you bastard!" She screamed at me._

_**Was I really that bad?**_

_**Was I honestly such a big nuisance? A burden? And a mistake?**_

_My attention had only been diverted for only a moment but apparently it was more than enough for my mother to take advantage of me and pull the lighter right out of my grasp._

"_Please put the lighter down," I said to her in my best I'm-trying-to-help-you voice._

"_No!" She screeched wildly, her gasoline wet hair all over the place._

"_Give me the lighter now!" I demanded calmly._

"_No!" She screeched again, hugging the lighter to her chest._

"_Give it to me!" I screamed, diving for the lighter. I had all intentions of wrestling it out of her hands if I had to._

_She seemed to have realized what I was about to do, so she threw it._

_She didn't just throw it anywhere, but she threw it exactly where the trail of gasoline started._

_With dawning horror I realised that she and I were on the end of the trail, and because I had slipped when entering the kitchen I was also partially covered in gasoline._

_The gasoline had been spread conveniently, the trail would get wider the closer it got._

_At the same time I realised that I was trapped and the only way out would be through the door._

_And I also noticed that there seemed to be a shadow coming towards the kitchen. The shadow gave me hope that maybe we could be saved, for we both were sure to be trapped in these flames._

_But that particular hope evaporated when I saw the flames engulf the kitchen before me._

*~*~*~*~*~*

I was once again woken up by my own screaming and thrashing. My body was covered in sweat and my heart was still beating a tattoo against my chest.

I always ended up in this state whenever I had this dream or any other one that brought up my past.

I knew it was a dream but my mother's voice still rang in my ears,

"_Don't call me 'mom'! My life is ruined and it's all your fault! You ruined my life, you're the reason it's so fucked up right now! I hate you! I hate you with everything I have, with everything I am. You're a nuisance, a burden, an accident! I never wanted you! Leave me alone, I hate you, you bastard!"_

I had spent my 11 years trying to please my parents – specially my mother – but apparently I had failed.

Even though I had been only 11 years old when this took place, it had been permanently implanted in my brain.

If it hadn't been for Emily's quick thinking I obviously wouldn't have been alive right now.

I looked at my clock to see what time it was-

**Holy cow!**

It was already 12 pm; I jumped out of bed to the bathroom for a quick shower before having to go for work.

I had only jumped in the shower and turned the water on when I realised that I didn't have work today, it was Saturday, and I was supposed to meet Bella in little less than 2 hours.

**Bella!**

Just the thought of her name, calmed my nerves to a degree.

I know that by forcing her I was causing her pain, but I also knew that in time she would love me!

**She would have to love me!**

Time would make her warm up to me, in time she'd realize that I wasn't a monster but only a man who was madly in love with her.

I loved her with all my heart and I was willing to do anything for her, anything at all.

The water felt soothing as it rained on my back; it washed away all the rest of the pain and guilt the dream had left me feeling.

There were only two things that could ever make me feel calm, a shower and Bella.

I had been infatuated with her from the first moment I had seen her across the café, sitting there with her hair neatly tied up, a big smile on her face, she seemed to be radiating happiness and innocence.

In that exact moment I realised that I was in love, I hadn't felt like this ever.

Not even when I first met Lauren or Tanya. With both of them it had taken me weeks, months to fall in love, but with Bella it was instant.

When my mother had left me I had felt abandoned and hurt, when Lauren had left I had felt betrayed, and when Tanya had left I had felt hurt. And I was sure that if Bella were to also leave me I would surely die! I wouldn't be able to survive it this time, not only because I had been hurt many times already, but because if she were to leave my reason to live would also leave.

Therefore I had to have her!

~*~ 2 pm ~*~

Twirling my pinkie around the mouth of the cup, I couldn't help but doubt if whether Bella would show up.

She had said she would be here, so why wasn't she?

I was about to stand up and go to her apartment, to see why she wasn't here yet when I saw her enter the café and look for someone – me.

When she spotted me sitting there in the counter she came over and sat down opposite me.

Today her hair was all tied up in ponytail, she seemed to wearing an over large hoodies and a pair of worn out jeans, even though her attire was simple and casual she looked breath taking as usual.

Her eyes looked tired as though she had barely gotten sleep – as though she had spent most of her time crying. My heart pained at the thought that I had been the one that had made her cry, had hurt her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and take away all the pain and sorrow but I knew that by doing so I might end up pushing her away even more.

I tried to think of something to say, and ended up saying something which I regretted immediately.

"Your late," I stated, it wasn't even a question.

"By only 5 minutes," she replied, her voice a dead monotone.

Having to hear her voice like that hurt, but in time she would surely warm up to me, I was sure of it. I checked my watch, and to my surprise she was right.

"Have you reached a decision yet?" I asked her.

She nodded her eyes on the table, not looking up.

"And?" I prompted.

She looked up at me, a pleading look in her eyes and then turned her eyes to her hands which were sitting in her lap.

"I have decided to accept your proposal but just not right now," she looked at my eyes searchingly, I nodded at her continue. I wanted to hear everything she had to say before I took any_ other_ decisions.

She took a deep breath and began again.

"Truthfully I'm not ready for such a big step, and truth be told I always imagined getting married to man I would be deeply and irrevocably in love with. So therefore all I'm asking is for two months. I'm not asking to be your friend, but instead I'm asking to be your girl- your girl-"

"My girlfriend?" I asked

"Yes, please. I'm hoping that I might be able to fall in love in this time period. Ask me to marry you again in 2 months and I promise I'll say yes. Please just give me these two months." Her voice seemed to be breaking up, and a few tears seemed to be have escaped her eyes.

It broke my heart to see her like this, but I knew that this had to be done.

I placed my hand under her chin and pulled it upwards, I stared intently in her eyes and there was nothing in them but sadness, fear and a note of pleading.

Could I possibly comply with her request?

It wasn't much, but it meant a lot to me. I had been brought up with old fashioned values.

But her request wasn't wrong was it? She was willing to accept my proposal but after some time.

She was asking me to be her boyfriend; she wanted to be in a relationship with me.

True the relationship she wanted to have with me was less than what I wanted, but she was willing to be in a relationship with me, a relationship that she had never been in nor had she ever experienced it.

"Like I told you Isabella I don't ever want to hurt you. I know that I've told you this before but I truly am in love with you and I'm willing to do anything to prove it." I told her honestly as I moved my hand from under her chin to cup her cheek.

"I'm willing to do things your way for now, I'm willing to be your boyfriend. You can call all the shots, but please just don't ever shut me out or leave me."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I'm not a monster Bella, I'm only a man deeply in love with a woman who he can't have but is trying everything he can to get her. In time you'll see it," I told her firmly, wiping away a few tears which had escaped.

She closed her eyes and nodded at me.

"Only time alone can show you how much you mean to me," I told her as I stood up, pulling her up with me.

I took her face in my hands and placed a kiss on her forehead, "I just want to make you happy, please just give me the chance to love you," I told her sincerely.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice sounding much more firm now.

"So, would you like a Marble Brownie? My treat," I told her as I gave her one of my special crooked smiles. For a fact I knew that it was her favourite along with the blueberry cheese muffin.

She gave me a weak and watery smile.

And I knew that I had won her over – for now.

Now all I needed to do was to keep her.

* * *

Forgive Me-Evanescence

_Can you forgive me again?  
I don't know what I said  
But I didn't mean to hurt you_

I heard the words come out  
I felt that I would die  
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now  
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I'll make you see  
How happy you make me

I can't live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive

So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again  
You're my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you

* * *

**A/N**

**So as you can obviously see Edward isn't as much of a monster as he seems to be, he's only hurt and in love.**

**And this isn't the only thorn in his past, there are many more which will all be revealed in due time.**

**Please R&R!**

**xoxo**

**CookieDoughMonster**


	8. Of Cookies and Plans

**

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**

A/N

**I'm soooooo sorry that it took me this long to update! Its just that classes have been hectic and whnevr I tried updating sumthing big would come up! I apologize to all you guyz again!**

**I would once again like to thank all my reviewers, you reviews make my world go round and they are the only thing making me want to continue this story!**

**So please R&R!**

**And a very very happy (and scary) Halloween everyone!**

* * *

Disclaimer ~ as much as I might wish that I owned this I don't!

* * *

_Chapter 7: Of Cookies and Plans_

It was official; I was living the most deranged and unbelievable life ever.

My life had crossed the boundary between normal and awkward when I had started getting those 'I'm-being-watched' feeling. And on Friday my life had officially crossed the boundary between awkward and deranged when Edward had proposed.

As I sat on bed, thinking about what I had just agreed to I couldn't help but feel immediate regret for it.

After I had notified Edward of my one and only demand, I had hoped that he would say that I wasn't worth the wait or maybe that last night was a mistake and he didn't mean anything that he had said.

To say that I was disappointed when he agreed to my condition would be an understatement, secretly I was hoping that he would decline my proposal and not want to get married.

I badly wanted to decline, but I couldn't. And why couldn't I? Because I valued my father's and best friend's life dearly.

After Edward had offered to buy me something, he had dropped me home only after placing a small peck on my cheek and promising to pick me up tomorrow (Sunday) in the afternoon to discuss what we story we would tell everyone after it was made public that we were dating (much to my distaste, but I didn't show it).

I closed my eyes as I tried to keep the tears at bay. Alice was about to show up anytime now. This morning when I had woken up to go to Starbucks, I had found a note on the refrigerator saying that Alice had an important appointment today so she wasn't gonna be home until at least 4pm – and right now it was only 3:55 pm.

I decided to 'comfort bake', it was something which would divert my attention for sure and it would make sure that I act normal in front of Alice (even though I felt anything but).

Quickly changing into a pair of sweats and overlarge shirts, I made my way to our state-of-the-art kitchen and started to gather my ingredients.

I had only just put my first batch of cookies in the oven when I heard keys jingling and the door to our apartment opening.

"Bella-rina, I'm home!" howled Alice as she entered the apartment.

"In the kitchen," I called back to her; even I was surprised at how steady my voice sounded. I had never been able to properly learn the art of fibbing, but at the moment operation 'Don't-Let-Alice-Know-Anything's-Wrong' (or DLAKAW) was in motion.

Even though she was my best friend and we had promised to never keep secrets, I knew that this was something that I had to keep to myself and learn to deal with on my own.

"Something smells good B." Alice said as she popped her head into the kitchen.

"It's Esme's recipe of Chocolate Chip Cookies," I told her informatively.

"Yum, so how was your Saturday?" she asked as she hopped onto the counter.

**DLAKAW**

"Same old, same old. How was yours?" I asked, directing the attention towards her instead.

"Just another person who wanted to renovate their closets," she told me swinging her legs back and forth.

"Oh, cool I guess," I replied unsure about how to reply to that.

I knew that I was ten seconds away from being questioned so I immediately asked a question to keep the spotlight away from me.

"So how was your date last night? I didn't hear you come home last night," I asked.

By the end of my question Alice was blushing like crazy. I put another batch of cookies in the oven as I waited for Alice to answer.

"He's just awesome Bells, I think that I'm in love with him. He actually cares and listens to what I have to say. He also has this calm aura around him and you can't help but like him!" her voice had now taken _the_ _dreamy_ _tone_ and her eyes were now staring up into space.

"Wow, Alice, are you sure that you're in love and not over estimating your feelings?" I asked her.

"I'm 100% sure. I actually think that he's the one. The whole night he was a complete gentleman. He took me to this great over-the-top restaurant, and then he was really attentive to me the whole time. Even when our waitress tried flirting with him he ignored her, and that's saying something since she was probably an eight or a nine. And then after our dinner he took me to the beach, we just sat and talked. Everything felt so perfect and no awkwardness at all. It was really perfect!" Alice's eyes were shining with happiness by the time she finished.

_**Wow!**_

**Why couldn't someone take me out on dates like that?**

_**Oh, yeah. Someone did but he ended up proposing and threatening your father and best friend's life!**_

**DLAKAW**

I quickly pushed the thoughts out of my mind before they could show up on my face.

"That's awesome Alice! Congratulations," I told her honestly as I gave her a big hug.

"So Bells," Alice started and by her tone I knew that I would most probably not like what she was about to say, "seen any new eye-candy lately?" she said winking at me.

**DLAKAW**

I immediately busied myself by checking on the cookies so she won't be able to see my face when I answered.

**DLAKAW**

"No ones caught my eyes yet Alice, but if someone does I'll tell you," I told her as I pulled out the tray of the first batch of cookies.

"Are you sure? What about the incredibly hot sex-on-legs guy Rosalie told me about. Her god-brother, the one that just came back from Chicago." I looked at her beseechingly; she couldn't be talking about who I think she was talking about?

"I think his names maybe Edmund…Edgar… no its Edward,"

**Apparently she was.**

**DLAKAW**

I felt the blood drain out of my face.

Could she possibly know about his proposal, or maybe was this purely coincidence?

I thanked my rarely-ever-lucky stars that I had my back turned to her, and I thanked them even more when Alice's cell phone started ringing.

**DLAKAW**

**Saved by the phone – how cliché.**

Had Edward have already informed her of our only a-few-hours-old relationship?

As Alice hopped of the counter and went to answer her phone I rinsed my face with ice cold tap water.

What the hell was I supposed to say now?

"Yeah…uhh huh…I'm not sure…I'll ask…thanks…I'll call you…bye...bye Jazz." I could hear Alice whispering on her phone. And to say that I was glad that her attention had been diverted to another topic would be an understatement.

"Hey Bells, would you mind if I…you know…went out Jasper tonight?" Alice asked nervously as she entered the kitchen.

"No problem," I told her honestly, glad that the topic had been changed.

"Are you sure, I mean I could stay home and we could have a GNI," she elaborated, but I could hear the sacrifice in her voice.

"It's honestly Ok Ally, I have some work I need to finish and that should keep me busy," I told her. Just because I couldn't get my happy ending didn't mean that she couldn't either.

As soon as I had said that her eyes were shining with happiness.

"Thank you so much Bella, you're the best friend _ever_! And have I told you how much I possibly love you?" she asked as she flashed me an excessively happy yet contagious smile.

And for the first time in the last 20 hours I felt a _genuinely_ happy smile on my face.

~*~*~*~*~*~The Next Day~*~*~*~*~*~

~*~*~ 9 A.M. ~*~*~

As I lay in bed going through the last 72 hours, I was surprised to realise that the past 72 hours had been my most interesting, painful, and insane time ever. In my 22 years of life I had never experienced such an emotional roller coaster in such a short amount of time – scratch that – the last 22 years had been exceptionally plain and boring. Looking now I was surprised to realise that I had just floated through. No major memories or have-to-remembers, just nothing.

Maybe Alice was right, I should have lived a little more.

But that still didn't change the present and the biggest problem at hand would be my boyfriend (shiver) who would be arriving in a few hours to discuss the dynamics of our relationship and how to (gulp) inform everyone about our forced relationship.

Last night Alice's date had gone extremely well, and she had called me to inform me that she would be spending the night over at Jasper's and wouldn't come home until at least 8 or 9 pm.

This meant that I had the whole apartment to myself for almost the whole day and if Edward were to come there would not be many chances of him being caught.

**Edward was about to come over…**

I still couldn't believe that I had practically agreed to his proposal, but I had.

And why had I?

Only because of his eyes (and because I had been blackmailed, but that's not the point at the moment!).

I was interested in this man, but not platonically.

And why was I unplatonically interested in this man, only because I had seen _the_ pain in his eyes.

The same pain that had taken residence in my eyes after my mother left my father and me.

The same pain that I had seen in my eyes every time I looked in the mirror – before the therapy sessions that is.

Therefore the only reason I had agreed to be in this relationship was so I could help Edward overcome this pain and then he would hopefully realise that he was not at all in love with me.

A huge part of me knew – no hoped – that after Edward got over this pain he would realise that his feelings for me are just plain platonic, and not love.

Willing myself out of bed, I made my way into the shower and the start of another emotionally-draining-Sunday.

~*~*~ 11 A.M. ~*~*~

As I sat in front of the TV going through mindless channel after channel – my mind was apparently miles away lost in thought – and that meant that when my cell phone rang from besides me I jumped 10 feet into the air.

As I scrambled to pick up my cell, I was surprised to see that it was an unknown number.

"Hello," I said into the phone breathlessly, my voice sounded as though I had just ran a marathon.

"Hello Bella, this is Edward," and that's when my heartbeat stopped for a few seconds and then it picked up double tempo.

"How did you get my number?" I asked him.

"I think you are forgetting that I am you employer Bella, and now I am also your boyfriend. So shouldn't I have your number?" he had said the 'b' word, and he also had my number and I didn't know about that at all!

"Oh," was my great response, seeing as though I had no idea to how you reply to stuff like that.

"Anyways I called to inform you that I will come by yours at around 2 pm sharp, and then we are to go out. I will obviously be buying you lunch and we are to discuss the dynamics of our relationship. Do I make myself clear?" God, that man knew how to make even the simplest things into business statements.

"Crystal," I replied, silently praying that my tear ducts stay dry today.

"See you then," and with that he hung up, not even giving me a chance to say something – anything.

And at that moment I knew that it was time to initiate plan 'make Edward realise he doesn't love me' aka **MERHDLM**.

* * *

Outta my head - Ashlee Simpson

_(What?)  
Is that all you got to say?  
(What? What?)  
You're rubbing me the wrong way  
(See your lips moving)  
But I don't catch a word you say  
(Shut up your chatter)  
I need for you to go away_

And all I hear is ay ya ya ya ya  
You're talking way too much  
I can't even hear me now  
All your noise is messing with my head  
You're in my head  
Get outta my head

Outta my, outta my head  
Want you outta my head  
Outta my, outta my head  
Get outta my head  


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**A/N**

**Please review people! And I'm extremely sorry that there are ****many**** errors in this, it's only because I was kinnda high on parcetamol and hadn't gotten enough sleep because for the last few days I've been really sick!**

**And seeing as today's the 31****st**** of October it's also my birthday, so show me some love and give me at least 22-32 more reviews!**

**Luv ya all,**

**CDM**


	9. Of Flowers and Kisses

**A/N **

**I cannot even begin to say how sorry Iam about the EXTREMELY long wait, but Iam soooo sooooo sooooo sorry! and thank you to evryone who wished me a happy birthday! thanx yo all, i cant even begin to tell you how much i love you guys! And thanz yo all for the 85 reviews! i know i asked for 22 - 32 revies but i never expected 32 reviews!**

**I wanted to clear a few point here-**

**a) Bella only said that she wanted to be Edward'd girlfriend because she wants/needs some time.,**

**b) she wants some time coz she believes that edwards past is haunted and he's hurting and she wants to help him**

**c) Bella herself has had a painful childhood, and this will be explained in later chapters**

**d) And as for edward's emotions, he is not in love YET!**

**e) Edward is not a monster in this story, he is only the villian and hurt and misunderstood. he's doing the right thing in his own personal twisted way.**

**d) this chapter is dedicated to Lunavista - for pushing me to update - and to Irritable Grizzzly!**

**And now on with the chapter...**

* * *

Disclaimer- Stephenie Meyer owns all.

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_Chapter 8: Of Flowers and Kisses_

Day 1 of Plan MERHDLM – 7/12/2009 Monday

As I stood waiting for my drink, my eyes couldn't help but glance at the table at the corner - the same table that Edward and I had been sitting at before yesterday.

After Edward had taken me out for lunch yesterday we had both decided that the public story would be that we had been secretly seeing each other while I was at UoW and then after graduation we had been engaging in a long distance relationship.

While it may have seemed simple enough, I was worried that I would mess up somehow. Fibbing had never been a talent of mine; I had always sucked at it.

"Excuse me miss, but your drink is ready," called the attendant.

"Thanks," I replied as I took the drink from him and left the Starbucks.

Getting into my car and driving to the office I couldn't help but wish that for some reason Edward would not come to the office today, so he wouldn't try to make it public that we were in a relationship at the moment.

Yesterday he had planned that the best way to make our relationship public would be by being caught together in an intimate state (like holding hands or kissing) by someone like Jessica Stanley – the receptionist and 'eyes and ears' of the office. If there was any office gossip that you wanted to be updated on she was the person you see.

While it had seemed like a good idea then, I was more worried about what Alice and Rosalie would say. I also worried about Charlie's (dad's) reaction but I would worry about that when I absolutely have to.

Alice had been my sister from another mister since forever, and we had never had secrets from each other. I was pretty sure that she would be extremely hurt and upset over this supposed secret relationship.

As for Rosalie, I wasn't as close to her but we were still pretty close and I felt wrong that I would have to lie about such as thing with them both.

As I parked my car next to the silver Volvo I had seen the other day (I had found out yesterday that it belonged to Edward) and got out of my car and entered the building, I was surprised to see that everything was the same. For some reason I was expecting everything to be different. Maybe it had to do with how drastically everything in my life had changed in the last 72 hours.

**Change would be an understatement…**

_**Maybe a word like mutated-fuck-up would be much more **__**appropriate?**_

Entering my office I was surprised to see that there was an extremely beautiful bouquet waiting for me on my desk.

I was just about to ask Angela as to who had sent me the bouquet when my cell phone chimed to inform me that I had a new text. It read-

**-B**

**Hey, how was your weekend?  
Just wanted to remind you that I won't be  
coming in today, sorry.  
Ben still isn't feeling well. Sorry again  
-Angela**

Ok, so this meant that today I'm on my own. As I sat down on at my table, I was once again astounded by the beautiful bouquet. Picking it up and looking at it closely, I found a card between the begonias that could have easily gone unnoticed. It read-

**-B  
I've been missing you ever since  
I had to leave yesterday.**

**Hoping your day has been well so far.  
I'm picking you up for lunch,  
be ready at 12pm exactly!  
Thinking of you  
-Edward**

Reading the note I couldn't decide whether I was feeling flattered or angry. Both emotions didn't make sense and neither did the bouquet.

11:30 am

As I sat on my desk going through the file, I couldn't help but glance at the clock every few seconds. Time seemed to be going at a snail's pace now that I had decided that I wanted this over with ASAP.

MERHDLM consisted of three stages and each stage consisted of three phases.

So today I was going to initiate Stage 1 – Phase 1/2/3.

_P1_ consisted of acting like I had no manners, no etiquettes, and definitely no hygienic morals.

_P2_ consisted of unneeded babble to fill in uncomfortable and comfortable silences to an annoying level.

_P3_ consisted of public humiliation.

All in all Stage 1 (S1) meant immature behaviour.

And what better time to initiate S1-P1 than at lunch? Who honestly likes eating with someone who has their index finger exploring their nose?

_**Not the most typical type of plan but I couldn't think up of anything else in such a short amount of time!**_

**And what make you think that acting like an uncivilised being is going to work?**

_**Its not being uncivilised, it's acting immature and disgusting!**_

**Sure, keep telling yourself that sweetheart…!**

Looking at the clock on my screen desktop, I was surprised to find that it was now 11:59 am.

**Time really does fly when you aren't paying attention.**

_**Maybe that should be catalogued for time spent with Edward!**_

**Sure, like he wont notice when I'm staring off into space and not paying attention.**

_****seethes** mood kill! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! It should be tried, it might help.**_

****mental eye roll** Sure…**

I was brought back to Earth by the sound of someone knocking on my door.

"Come in," I called out, without looking up from my file.

****sarcasm** I wonder who that could be?**

"Good afternoon Isabella," Edward said as he entered my office.

Looking up from the file, I was surprised to see that he had _another _flower in his hand.

"Good morning Edward," I said as I closed the file and collected my bag and my jacket.

"For you," he said as he gave me the lone white rose as we left my office.

"Thank you, but was this and the bouquet really that necessary?" I asked as we entered the lift.

"Why? Did you not like them?" he asked as he furrowed his eyebrows.

"It's not that I didn't like them, they were all truly beautiful. But were they really such a necessity?" I said honestly. Last night I had decided that I would treat Edward like any of my other guy friends. I had decided that I would be friendly, honest and straightforward with him – all in all someone he could trust and talk to. Maybe after all this was sorted out he would like to remain friends?

****mental snort****

_**If you would honestly want to stay friends with him, you must be fucking mad or mentally unstable.**_

"Do you not like flowers?" he asked puzzled.

"I love flowers, but it makes me uncomfortable when someone spends money on me. And those bouquets must have cost a fortune," I replied honestly.

"So nothing too extravagant?" he said, his lips turning up at the corners, into a smirk.

I nodded as we exited the lift, and the building. I could've sworn that I had seen Jessica's eyes bulge out when she had seen me leaving with Edward. Her eyes were zoomed onto the flower in my hand.

**So, this is the reason behind this flower!**

"So, where are we going?" I asked as we reached our cars.

"Why don't you get in first, and then you'll find out," he said as he unlocked his car.

"If I don't know where we're going, how am I going to follow you there?" I asked perplexed.

"You're not following me, your coming with me! I'm taking you to lunch aren't I?" he said shocked as he opened the passenger door and motioned for me to enter.

**Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner!**

I rolled my eyes as I stuck my tongue out at him and lazily made my way to where he was standing with my door open for me.

I made sure to sit down as noisily and uncoordinatedly as possible.

"Geez Isabella, didn't anyone ever teach you how you sit in a car?" he asked agitated.

**S1 – 1 and Edward – 0**

"Sor-ry" I replied like a bratty child.

He just rolled his eyes and started the car.

15 minutes of uncomfortable silence later we were stopping at 'Blue Wave' restaurant, it was mine, Alice's, and Rosalie's favourite place to meet up.

"Here?" I asked pleased.

"Yes, do you know this place?" Edward asked as he shut down the car and exited it, coming to my side to open the door.

"This is mine, Alice's, and Rosalie's favourite place to meet up," I said as I jumped up and down (literally) like an over excited kid. Edward seemed to be finding my over excitement uncomfortable and he tried to clam me down by placing a hand on my shoulders. Which unfortunately for him made me jump even higher, loose my footing and fall directly on my ass. By now I had the undivided attention of everyone in the parking lot (which btw was a lot of people).

Edward seemed to not like the amused looks I was getting so he roughly pulled me up by the shoulders and lead me inside the restaurant.

**S1 – 2 and Edward – 0**

"Table for 2, please" said Edward to the hostess; she had her back to us and something about her seemed extremely familiar.

As she turned around I couldn't help the involuntary gasp that escaped my mouth.

"Kate?" I asked as I pounced on her.

"Oh my god, how are you? And how's Garrett? And most importantly how's young Zafrina?" I asked, I could barely contain the excitement.

"Uh…Can't…breath…" she gasped.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. Kate was one of our oldest friends, she had been our server a few too many times and slowly we had become close. She had been away the last month on her labour leave. Kate and her husband had gotten married three years ago and she had recently delivered their first child.

"I'm fine thanks, and so is Garrett and Zafrina. What about you? Did you come alone?" she said as she hugged me properly.

I stepped away from her and made the introductions.

"Kate I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Edward, and Edward this is Kate." I said gesturing between them.

Kate's eyes immediately hardened when she saw Edward standing behind me.

"Good to meet you, Edward," she said coldly. Edward didn't seem to be fazed by her coldness, almost as he expected it.

"Good to meet you too," he said calmly, a little too calmly I think.

"Please follow me," said to us as she led the way to one of the private corner booths. As she seated us she gave us a professional smile which didn't reach here eyes.

"Your waitress will be with you momentarily," she said as she looked directly in my eyes, as though she was trying to say something.

Her eyes seemed to be filled with a pain and hurt whereas her face looked distant. And the most surprising thing was the way she was looking at Edward, with unmasked hate and distaste in her eyes. I couldn't help but wonder what happened that made her hate him soo much.

The rest of lunch passed unceremoniously, just me sneezing and coughing a lot.  
Thank goodness it was the winter so I could easily blame all my flying snot and spit on the cold.

At first Edward seemed to be concerned but after the ninth sneeze and thirteenth cough he seemed to be plain annoyed.

**S1 – 3 and Edward – 0**

After Edward paid for lunch, which I insisted on paying but he had simply said that ladies shouldn't pay when their out with gentlemen!

**Ladies and Gentlemen my ass!**

_****snort** as if you actually find ladies and gentlemen out of novels or the 18**__**th**__** century!**_

On the way back to the office Edward and I made small talk about work and things in general.

To say that I was pleased when we finally reached then office would be an understatement; the silent car ride with Edward was getting awkward.

As soon Edward parked the car and turned off the engine, he was already out opening my door.

**In a hurry much?**

As soon as he pulled me out of the car he immediately attacked my lips with his, one of his hands tangling in my hair and the other wrapping around my waist.

I closed my eyes and awkwardly rested my hands on his arms as I waited for the kiss to end. I hadn't had many kisses before, but this kiss was desperate and rough at the same time.

I was quickly running out of breath and I guess so was he. I had only thought that thought when he moved his lips from mine to my jaw and pecking it lightly.

As I opened my eyes and looked at his face the first thing that caught my attention was his eyes. Eyes were supposed to be windows into the soul and his looked like as though his was burning. The hurt and pain in his eyes nearly took my breath away.

For a few moments which seemed like forever I found myself getting lost in hid eyes, there was a lot there, it seemed like there were secrets buried deep down inside – painful secrets.

I was broken out of the spell cast by his eyes when I felt the first few raindrops land on my head.

He too seemed to have been stuck in a trance.

"We should be getting in," he said, his breath still ragged from our previous kissing experience. I just nodded my head in agreement as I was unable to form words right now.

Entering the building I was not surprised to see that Jessica Stanley was sitting at her desk at the reception, but I was surprised to see that her eyes seemed to be bulging out as she looked at us.

**So this is why he kissed me!**

_**Aaagh! And now ladies and gentlemen the whole world is gonna find out!**_

**S1 – 3 and Edward – 1**

I couldn't help but feel hurt at the fact that he had only kissed me for show.

**HURT! Are you fucking crazy? Your supposed to be feeling mad or angry, not hurt!**

_**Aaagh, damn you stupid, confusing emotions!**_

Getting into my office, I felt glad that my time with Edward was at an end for now. "I'm guessing you have plans for tonight," he stated rather than asked. He very well knew that I had plans, Alice and I were having a GNI tonight.

"Yup," I replied as I took my jacket off and put my bag on the sofa.

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" he stated.

"Yup," I replied again.

"Goodbye Isabella, I'll see you tomorrow." He said as h pecked my forehead and turned to leave.

"It's not Isabella, it's Bella," I said to him as he left, unsure of whether or not he had heard me.

* * *

Russian Roulette - Rihanna

_Take a breath, Take it deep  
Calm yourself, he says to me  
If you play, you play for key  
Take the gun and count to three_

_I'm sweating now, moving slow  
No time to think, my turn to go  
And you can see my heart beating  
You can see it through my chest  
That I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving  
I know that I must pass this test  
So just pull the trigger_

_Say a prayer, to yourself  
He says close your eyes, sometimes it helps  
And then I get a scary thought  
That he's here it means he's never lost_

* * *

**A/N**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts in this chappie, whether good or bad! So please review!!**

**xoxo**

**CDM**


	10. Of Revelations and New Lights

**A/N**

**I'm beyond unforgivable, but I'm still extremely sorry for the _REALLY LATE _update!**

**And I am completely flabbergasted and flattered by your response to this story! I know that it's not the best, but please deal with me since its the first time my writing is being read by an audience other than my close friends! Hugs and Kisses to all of you!  
**

**And in case you guys might be wondering, the date on top of the chappie is the date in the story not the date i published/wrote/thought up the story or neither is it the real date!  
**

**So without further ado I'd like to present Chapter 9!  
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Disclaimer ~ I wish I did own this but sadly I don't!

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_Chapter 9: Of Revelations and New Lights_

Day 2 of Plan MERHDLM – 8/12/2009 Tuesday

When we (Alice and I) were in 8th grade, Alice had had her first boyfriend. While I was really glad for her I was also a bit jealous, not because she had a boyfriend and I didn't, but because she was ditching me to hang out with him.

While Alice had been the one of the popular I was one of the nerds. This obviously meant that Alice had gazillions of friends besides me and I had no other friends beside her.

Alice had gotten so wrapped up in her boyfriend that she often wouldn't notice me there at all. And truthfully it had hurt a lot, not only because she was my only bestest friend but also because I once again began to feel the abandonment and pain I had felt when I had abandoned once before. It really wasn't easy to move on when one someone you truly loved abandoned you.

On day when I had finally given up on her noticing me and had planned to never talk to her again, she came over to mine with her eyes overflowing with tears and telling me about how she had caught her boyfriend cheating on her with a senior cheerleader.

And me being the softy that I am I forgave her and on that day we both promised that no matter what happens we would stay friends forever and wont let anything as inconsequential as boyfriends ruin our consequential friendship.

And since that day had been a Monday (the exact date has been forgotten) we promised that no matter what on every Monday Alice and I would have a GNI. And ever since than every single Monday no matter what happened we would make time for our best friends.

Ever since I joined C&M co. Rosalie would often join us, but normally it would be only Alice and I.

Last night Alice had wanted to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory whereas I had wanted to watch The Hangover. We tossed a coin to see who chooses the movie first and since Alice chose heads and heads surfaced first we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory first.

While I had hated the movie, seeing it yesterday had ignited a new love in me for chocolaty movies.

I had only begun plan MERHDLM yesterday and I was already running out things to do for the rest of the 59 days, so I came to the conclusion that everyday I would only carry out one phase each day instead of one stage each day.

And watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had given me inspiration for more immature, annoying, bratty behaviour. My most favourite had been the girl that would always chew gum, nothing annoys someone more than a person over your head chewing gum and not just any gum, gum that has been behind your ears!

And my second most favourite had been the rich, spoilt daddy's girl. No one liked being around someone who couldn't stop boasting about themselves and was always demanding for something.

So today I was going to only carry out P1, which consisted of acting like I had no manners, no etiquette's, and definitely no hygienic morals.

* * *

As I sat on my desk and stared at my pipes screen-saver I couldn't help but ponder over Kate's cold shoulder towards us after I had introduced Edward. Was it possible that they knew each other? If they did, why didn't Edward or Kate say anything about it?

I had only seen Kate once without light in her eyes and that had been when her sister Irina had visited the restaurant to inform Kate about their sister Tanya's death.

I didn't know Irina or Tanya much, but what I did know was that Irina lived in Oregon, and Tanya had been living in Chicago.

When Kate was informed of Tanya's death the smile that always graced her lips and the light in her eyes had been instantly killed. Apparently all three sisters had been really close and because of some major argument, the whole family had been ignoring Tanya for a little more than six months before she died.

I had seen the regret on their faces and had vowed to myself that I would never ever ignore or not talk to anyone I loved for more than an hour at a time.

I had tried calling her multiple times at night but each time I would reach her inbox, which meant that she was either a) really busy being a mom and wife or b) she was trying to avoid talking to me. Option b seemed more likely in this case.

My pondering were cut short when I heard someone knocking on my door.

"Come in," I called out to whoever it was on the other side. It was Angela.

"Hi Ang, how's Ben?" I asked her as she came in and set the papers and envelopes in her hand on my desk.

"He's doing much better now, he kinnda pushed me out the door and forced me to come to work today." She replied timidly, her eyes trained on the floor and a faint blush colouring her cheeks.

**I don't think I really wanna know how he forced her.**

_**The blush says it all, the blush says it all!**_

**Lets just hope that she's forgotten all about the bouquet Edward sent me on Friday!**

"So how was your weekend? Anything special? Did you find out who sent you that colossal bouquet?" Angela asked.

_**Apparently not!**_

"Yeah…. umm…. Actually…. Umm…. I kinnda…" as I stammered through my reponse I was glad to hear my cell phone ring.

**Saved by the phone again!**

My joy at being saved from answereing was short lived when I saw the who was calling me.

"I'm sorry Ang, but I've gotta take this," I told her apologetically. She nodded her head in understanding and left me to my phone call.

"Good Morning Bella, I hope that you've been having a good day." It was Edward.

"Good Morning Edward, yes thank you," I replied just as formally.

**Geesh, couldn't this guy not talk like he was giving formal orders?**

_**Or simply not talk formally at all?**_

"I called to tell you that today I won't be able to have lunch with you, seeing that I have a conference meeting, so I would like you to join me for dinner. I have a few things I would like to discuss with you." He said.

"Sure," I replied hesitantly, still not forgetting that the last time he had said the exact same thing I had ended up in tears and my life had flipped from normal to abnormal.

"Good to know, I'll be there to pick you up from your apartment at exactly 8 pm. Be ready." And with that he hung up, not saying goodbye and not giving me a chance to say so either.

It was now 12 p.m. and almost the whole faculty was either gone out or in the café on the 5th floor. As I rearranged the papers and files on my desk, I heard the unmistakable ring tone of my cell phone alerting me of a new text.

**-B**

**How's your day been so far?  
Tell me all about it during lunch!  
Meet me and Rosalie at the 'Amigos' behind  
the office.  
You better come or else!  
-Alice**

At least now I won't have to spend the lunch at the office cafeteria all alone in one corner. Quickly replying with my conformation, I picked up my bag and made my way out.

In less than ten minutes later I was at 'Amigo's' looking for my two friends who ere supposed to meet me here. And, obviously, they weren't too hard to spot.

**Tiny pixies and blond bombshells don't exactly blend in with the average crowd, now do they?**

"Hey guys," I said as I slid into the booth next to Alice.

"Hey to you to stranger," said Rosalie, "what's been up with you? I haven't seen you in the office at all this week."

"Today's only Tuesday," I told her.

"Yesterday I came to see if you were available for lunch but you totally bailed on me, even before I showed up," She said, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me.

"How can I bail on someone if they're not even there?" I asked, trying to divert her attention from asking where I was.

"You just can, just like you did." She replied.

"Whatever," I said as I diverted my attention to the menu infront of me, hoping that she would drop this before the questions got more and more inquisitive.

"Geesh, if I didn't know any better I would think you had a secret boyfriend or something that you're trying to hide from us," Rosalie said as she rolled her eyes at me.

* * *

Around 3 Pepsis and a full tummy later, Alice, Rose and I were making our way back to the office. Alice was coming with us because needed to 'collect' some things from Rosalie and apparently it was some big secret that I couldn't be in on.

**Which makes it the much more scarier.**

It was during lunch that I had once again started to get the 'I'm-being-watched' feeling. As unnerving as it was it was also quite annoying, why the hell would anyone be watching me, and supposing if someone was wouldn't they have contacted me in some way by now?

**Maybe that person has contacted you….**

_**Maybe you do know the person….**_

Aaaah! Even my inner dialogue was now acting weirdly! Had 'The-world-is-supposed-to-get-weird-and-nothing's-supposed-to-stay-normal-day' already passed?

**Apparentely so!**

_****mental snort****_

I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't realised that we were almost there when Alice said the one name that I was dreading from hearing.

"So Rosalie, how's Edward doing? How's he liking being back in Seattle after such a long time?" she asked.

Deep down inside – ok, maybe not deep down – but inside I was panicking, but somehow I was able to keep a calm and collected exterior.

"He's getting on well. He says he found everything he's been looking for. I'm really glad for him, he seems to be over Tanya's – his fiancé's – death. It's pretty good to see him smiling, I don't think I've seen him so happy ever since after ma's death." Rosalie replied sombrely.

**His fiancé?**

_**Now I'm interested…**_

"What happened to his fiancé?" I asked Rosalie.

They both looked up at me, surprised that I was actually listening.

"Ever since Edward and I were born people have been after us like bears to honey, and because of this we could never be sure of who was actually genuine and who was only with us for the fame, fortune, glitz, glamour, money and all the shit that comes with being the heir to C&M co. so we've always had to be sure of who we get close to.

"And while I got off easy with my bitchy façade, Edward was never like that. He's a really a trusting and loving kinnda guy, and some girls took advantage of that. Long story short a lot of bitches took advantage of his emotional and almost ego less self and he got more than his share of heartbreak.

"But Tanya was the first girl who genuinely loved him for him and only a few day after their engagement she was diagnosed with lung cancer and a few days later they found out that the cancer had spread all over the body including the brain. Chances of survival were really low, but they still kept up hope and when she passed away, Edward was devastated. He really was heartbroken, and now he finally seems to be over it!" she explained.

To say that I was speechless after hearing that I was surprised.

**No wonder the man's like that, with a story like that who wouldn't be upset and afraid of his feelings!**

_**But that doesn't mean that he has to fuck up everyone else's life only because his had been kinnda fucked up!**_

Just thinking that made me feel sick to the core. How could I think about myself when there was obviously layer after layer of hurt underneath that skin of his.

**Like an onion for example, there are many layers under the skin and peeling each one makes you cry!**

_**Couldn't get more ironic now could it?**_

Again I was surprised at my extremely inconsiderate and insensitive thoughts. Hadn't I agreed to be Edward's girlfriend because of the pain he seemed to be hiding? Then why the hell was I thinking so insensitively?

"Oh," I replied, I know it was inadequate but I was a loss for words.

"He really is a nice guy at heart; I just hope that he eventually finds someone like what Emmett means to me." Rosalie added quietly, throwing me a noteworthy look I would have not noticed if I wasn't already looking at her.

**Note to self- He's a really nice guy at heart…**

_**I really do hope he is…**_

As I sat on the couch waiting for Edward to arrive I couldn't help but replay the conversation I had with Rosalie earlier in my mind.

…_he got more than his share of heartbreak…_

…_and when she passed away, Edward was devastated. He really was heartbroken…_

…_he really is a nice guy at heart…_

By the time I had gotten home, Alice had already been here and gone. I only found a note from her, saying that she was with this Jasper guy and she would be back by midnight, she seemed to be really serious about this new guy.

**At least one of us is in a happy-lovey-dovey relationship!**

I was jolted out of my inner monologue by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

Opening the door I was taken aback as I realized that I now saw Edward in a whole new and different light…

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Broken - Lifehouse

_T__he broken clock is a comfort  
It helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can start tomorrow  
From stealing all my time_

_And I am here still waiting  
Though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best  
Like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart  
I'm barley breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating_

_In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on  
I'm holding on  
I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you_

_The broken locks were a warning  
You got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead_

_

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**A/N**

**I know that I don't deserve it but please do review and tell me your feelings about this chappie!**

**Love it? hate it? You tell me!**

**xoxo**

**CDM  
**


	11. Of Bruises and Coffee

**A/N **

**I'm more than sorry for the late update, hope you guys haven't abandoned me! thank you soooo soooo sooo much for the reviews they truly make am world go round!  
**

**so now on with the chappie!**

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disclaimer~i obviously dont own it, but i wish i do!

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_Chapter 10: Of Bruises and Coffee  
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For the first time since the proposal I didn't see Edward as a crazy, sadistic person instead I saw him as a sad and hurt person.  
Getting our heart broken once would hurt but wouldn't it hurt more if it happened repeatedly?

So maybe that was why he didn't give me a choice and demanded me to marry him? Not because he enjoyed torturing people but because he was afraid of rejection, but who in their right minds would reject him if he were to properly ask them out?

He couldn't possibly love me like he had claimed, obviously it was just an obsession or maybe lust, because it just didn't seem possible to me.

"You look lovely," he said as he held out a white begonia towards me.

**Hard to not love a man with a good choice in flowers**

_**Apparently in this case it's practically impossible!**_

"Thanks," I replied as I took the flower. He held out his hand and I took it, feeling a weird buzz around us as I did so. The weird buzz didn't disappear not even after we left the apartment and made our ways downstairs to his car, it only seemed to increase.  
As he opened the passenger door for me I couldn't help but wonder if it had been his mother or Tanya who had installed this manner into him. Not that it was relevant, but I was curious.

"There are a few things I would like to discuss with you today," Edward said as he got in and started the car.  
I groaned  
"Can we not 'discuss' something? Why not trying having a normal conversation? Normal people do that you know, have normal, unformal conversations!" I whined

"And what would you like this casual, unformal conversation be about?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know. Everything, something, anything," I replied like it was pretty obvious.

"That's a little too vague of a topic don't you think so?" he asked as he fought to keep the smirk off his face.

Since today was going to be Day 2 of MERHDLM I had decided that today would be filled with uncomfortable questions, and obnoxious yet weird silences. And no time better to start the plan than at the moment!  
"Okay, then lets talk about you," I told him.  
"What about me?" he asked cautiously.  
"I don't know, why don't you tell me about your day or something?" I told him, losing my patience.  
"About my day? Are you serious? You work in the same office, shouldn't you already know?" he said in a bored tone.

"Fine don't say anything, at least I'm trying to have a proper conversation instead of acting like an 'I-don't-car' kinnda jerk," I told him hotly. Plan or no plan, he was acting like a baby who wanted to be spoon fed.

"What would you like me to say then? That the conference call had me reduced to tears and that I dozed off during the board meeting? Does that really sound interesting to you?" he asked, his hand gripping the steering wheel tightly and his mouth forming a thin line.

"At least I'm making an effort and not being 'Mr.-we-need-to discuss-something'. At least I can talk normally and don't have to be all formal all the time," I replied my voice rising.

"This is how I normally talk Isabella," he told me as though we were in some kind of huge business meeting or something.

"Aaagh, whats with you and formality? Is it your safety blanket or something? Or is it just some way to run away from you problems like a coward instead of facing them hea-" my rant was cut short as the car came to an abrupt stop at the side of the road.

Wordlessly Edward got out of his seat and was got me out in as well in mere mili-seconds.

His hand was gripping my arm painfully; I could feel his nails breaking into my skin. Tomorrow, I would definitely be having a few cuts and a big bruise where his hand was gripping my arm.

"Edward wha-" I tried to say but stopped when I caught sight of his anger filled wild eyes.

"Do not forget who I am Isabella. At the moment your life, along with anyone else's that you may value, lives are hanging by a thread in my hand. At my one command they can be ended. Do not forget that the very first day I warned you that I would stop at nothing to keep you mine, and I fully intend on doing so. You will respect me because I demand it!" Edward said, the flames in his eyes never dying. His hand was now gripping mine even more painfully.

"You're hurting me Edward," I whimpered. That seemed to have extinguished the flame in his eyes but the anger was still there. He let go of my hand and pinched the bridge of his nose as he ran his other hand through his hair.

"I would appreciate it if I could enjoy a nice and quite dinner with my girlfriend who I haven't seen at all today." He commanded.

And needless to say the rest of the evening passed in awkward silence.

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Day 3 of Plan MERHDLM – 9/12/2009 Wednesday

Waking up in the morning is one of the worst things a person can be ever made to suffer. And it's even worse when all you have to look forward to is a psychopathic madman who has you in a forced relationship, and a huge ass bruise on your arm which you will have to make sure that no one notices.

Like I had predicted last night I had an extremely large bruise and a few cuts where Edward had gripped me rather painfully last night.

Last night had gone according to MERHDLM but not according to what I had in mind. We got the uncomfortable silence but it came with a huge price.

Today we were supposed to be meeting for lunch, to 'discuss' what we hadn't been able to last night.

For today MERHDLM was going to consist of being rude and arrogant, this was partly planned and because yesterday he had said that I had to respect him because he 'demanded' it! How the hell can someone 'demand' respect, isn't it earned?

My musings were cut short as the aroma of coffee awakened the rest of my senses.

As soon as I pulled on a long sleeved t-shirt, I was out of room in search of the promised good.

I was pretty pleased to see that Alice had already set a cup of the amazing brew on the kitchen counter for me.

"Thanks Ali," I told her as I took a seat on the kitchen counter.

"Any time B," she said as she swung her hips to some tune she was whistling.

Alice was a morning person so it really wasn't surprising to see her up and cheerily happy in the morning, but what was surprising was that she was using the kitchen and the most abnormal thing was that she was doing it happily!

**Looks like you woke up in some bizarre universe.**

_**Quickly check if your feet are on the ceiling or on the floor where they are supposed to be?**_

"So, what's up Ali?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing much, just making some chicken-noodle soup," she said as though it was no big deal that she was in the kitchen making something.

"And what's the occasion?" I asked, honestly curious.

"Jasper got the flu, so I thought that I would make him some and most probably spend the day with him. You wont mind that I wont be able to join you fur lunch like previously planned or will you?" she said nervously as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"No problem Ali, you go have fun with your sick boy toy," I told her as I winked at her.

And her reply was a blush.

I was honestly glad that Alice had other plans for lunch because that was supposed to mean that I go alone since Rosalie already had plans with Emmett. And when Edward had told me yesterday that he was taking me to lunch I kinnda panicked over what excuse I would use on Alice to say that I wont be able to come to lunch with her.

And now standing in front of the 'La Bella Italia' restaurant that had actually started everything I couldn't help but feel that all those fears were irrelevant and really small compared to the horror that was already waiting inside for me.

As I entered the restaurant, I couldn't help the sense of déjà-vu I felt.

When the hostess led me to the booth that Edward and I had had our first dinner together I was much more than just surprised.

As soon as I was seated the waitress brought in two menus and a bottle of wine.

"Before we begin I would like to talk to you," Edward said as he put his menu down and looked me directly in the eye, "as you may or may not know, Christmas is arriving in a few days and I would very much like it if we could spend it at your fathers and make our relationship public at the same time."

And with that I felt all the color drain out of my face.

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It is what it is - Lifehouse

_it is what it is_  
_ i was only looking for a shortcut home_  
_ but it's complicated_  
_ so complicated_  
_ somewhere in this city is a road i know_  
_ where we could make it_  
_ but maybe there's no making it now_

_too long we've been denying_  
_ now we're both tired of trying_  
_ we hit a wall and we can't get over it_  
_ nothing to relive_  
_ it's water under the bridge_  
_ you said it, i get it_  
_ i guess it is what it is_

_i was only trying to bury the pain_  
_ but i made you cry and i can't stop the crying_  
_ was only trying to save me_  
_ but i lost you again_  
_ now there's only lying_  
_ wish i could say it's only me_

_

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_

**_A/N _**

**_please leave me a review and tell me what you think of this chappie!_**

**_thanx yo all_**

**_xoxo _**

**_CDM  
_**


	12. Of Regrets and Thanks

**A/N**

**Is it really an EF update? **gasp** Could it really be?**

**Yup peeps, its an actual update!**

**I'd like to thank every single person who has read this story and reviewed, alerted, or favourited this story or me!**

**And for those of you that don't remeber, DLAKAW stands for 'Don't Let Alice Know Anythings Wrong'.**

**Now on with the chappie!**

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Disclaimer ~ I only own the plot, SM owns the rest

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___Chapter 3:Of Regrets and Thanks_

_"Before we begin I would like to talk to you," Edward said as he put his menu down and looked me directly in the eye, "as you may or may not know, Christmas is arriving in a few days and I would very much like it if we could spend it at your fathers and make our relationship public at the same time."_

_And with that I felt all the colour drain out of my face._

"What do you mean public?" I asked meekly, it was the first of many questions.  
"You obviously know my social position, and I would like it very much if the world would know about us." He replied, as though it was the most obvious thing ever.  
"Know about us how?" I asked  
"Nothing major, just having it accidentally leaked to the press and then maybe a few interviews together," he stated.

**Yeah sure, nothing major!**

"But why do you want to spend it in tiny little unknown Forks? Wouldn't you rather celebrate it here with your father and the Cullens?" I asked hopefully, chugging down my glass of wine.  
"Carlisle, Esme, and Father wouldn't mind, seeing that they'll be more proud that there's a woman in my life who I'd like to spend the holiday with," he said, his voice reaching the 'I'm-getting-annoyed' level.  
"If you're doing this for me, you truly don't have to. But don't you think it would be better to wait awhile before declaring this 'relationship' to the world?" I asked desperately, willing to try anything to avoid this not-so-out-of-reach doomsday.  
"It's about time don't you think, you've already promised to agree to marry me in less than two months time. Why not tell them all now?" he said, his eyebrows scrunching ad mouth forming a thin line.  
"I'm not so sure,"  
"Are you ashamed of me? Am I not good enough for you? Do you not want the world to know about _this _about _us_?" he asked, his voice reaching a dangerous octave.  
It was at this exact moment that the waitress chose to interrupt our conversation, never had I ever loved one so much.

**I wonder what his reaction would be if I replied with an honest answer?**

Quickly rattling off our orders, we were left in another awkward silence  
"So, are we going to Forks for Christmas or not?" he questioned impatiently.  
"I guess I'll have to check in with Charlie first and if he's okay with me bringing around a guest," I said trying to stall this pending doom.  
"Please, and I'll tell my secretary to accidentally 'leak' to the press that I'm not single anymore," he said, his voice going back to its original tone.

**I guess that's what you get when one of "Americas' Most Eligible Bachelors" tries to force you to marry him!**

The food arrived then and I realised that I should really get on with my mission: MERHDLM.  
I was supposed to be acting rude and arrogant, but how does one do that when in a restaurant eating lunch?  
Do I like not pass the salt when he asks, or do I spray pepper all over him? Sadly there was none available at the table.  
So then should I spill his wine all over his clothes or should I just leave him mid-meal?  
deciding to do nothing as such (after all Charlie raised me better than that) I decided to just not do anything until he spoke to me first.

But then again this was a perfect opportunity to act all rude and pissy.

"I'd like to know what you and you're father normally do during Christmas, since I'll be joining you for Christmas," he said, breaking the silence.  
"Not much, we just get together with some of our family friends, exchange presents, eat a whole lot of food, and thats about it," I said, trying to sound like I couldn't care less, but what was it to him anyways?  
"Who are the family friends that join you?" he asked, his voice sounding inquisitive.  
"What's it to you?" I asked irked.  
"Since I'll be joining you for Christmas I'd like to know," was his reason, his tone reaching the 'don't-mess-with-me' tone, as he pushed his now empty plate away from him.  
"Most probably Alice, her parents, my father's friend Billy Black, his son Jacob, and that's about it," I told him as I pointedly avoided looking at him.  
"That's it?' he asked.  
"That's it," I conformed rather heatedly.  
"Who may I ask are Billy Black and Jacob Black?" he asked pointedly, his voice going a creepy silent.  
"What's your problem? Why the hell do you even care? You wanna come, fine come, but don't impose god damn it! They're family friends, and ever since forever we've been doing Christmases together, you got a problem that? If you do don't come, damn it!" I yelled at him, losing my temper.

I stared at his impassive face as I cooled down.  
"You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it." he said, his voice laced with a silent threat.

If I had any idea how right he was, I would have most probably fallen on my knees for his forgiveness.

* * *

10/12/2009 Thursday

Waking up to the same monotonous alarm could get a tad bit annoying, but then again it was the one thing in my life that had not changed in the last few weeks.

Upon exiting my room and entering the kitchen I was glad to see Alice was awake and sitting on counter with a cup of coffee and some magazine in her hand.

She pointed at the coffee maker, without raising her eyes from what she was reading, as she heard me silently enter the kitchen.

"Thanks," I replied quietly, as I poured some for myself.

"So what's been up with you lately?" Alice asked as she placed the magazine upside down nest to her.

**DLAKAW**

**DLAKAW**

"I actually wanted to ask about your plans for Christmas, you're still coming to Forks or will you be at your new boyfriends'?" I asked, ignoring her question.

"I was thinking of inviting Jasper to spend Christmas with us, you don't mind do you?" she asked as she nervously chewing on her bottom lip.  
"No problem, I'm sure Cynthia would be proud," I told her as I winked at her.  
"I might also be bringing someone too," I told her. Why I told her, I don't know. I planned on telling her soon, but not so soon, it just kinnda spontaneously came out.  
She squealed.  
"You're actually bringing someone?" She shrieked.

"Surprising, I know. Believe me it wasn't planned," you have no idea, "but yes, he's a living breathing," psychopathic, crazy, obsessed, "kinnda guy."  
"OMG, this is amazing B, do I know him? Is he cute? How long have you guys been going out? Is he your boyfriend? Do you love him?" she asked all in one breath.

I couldn't blame her for being so happy, only if she knew why we were together and why he was most probably going to be spending Christmas with us.

**That would be a lovely conversation, "Hey Alice, the guy that might be coming with me for Christmas isn't some normal guy that I'd like to go out with, rather he's forcing me, or else he says he may hurt everyone that I love." Lovely conversation.**

**_I wish he was some normal guy, who had asked me out like a normal guy, and then I had asked him to spend Christmas in Forks with me like normal couples do._**

**The keyword 'normal' was obviously missing from my life.**

**DLAKAW**

"It's all still really new Ali," I told her, hoping she would drop her questions.  
"But you have to tell me something about him B, it's killing me here." She said dramatically.

**How I wish I could Alice, how I truly wish!**

**DLAKAW**

"You'll find out when you meet him at Christmas," I told her, hoping the smile on my face looked convincing enough.  
"This reminds me, I still have to talk to Charlie about it." I told her, as I got off my seat and put my now empty cup in the sink.  
"Good luck with that," she told me as she got off her seat, grabbed her magazine and went towards her room.  
"Just be careful today Bells, I've got a really weird feeling about today." Alice said as she stopped outside her room door, her eyes had the faraway look.  
"What's wrong?" I asked her worried, did she may be know something?  
"Something just feels wrong, out of place," she mumbled to herself, almost as if I wasn't supposed to hear it, but I did.  
"Just be careful today, please," and with that she left me alone to ponder her words.

* * *

It was now 7 pm and I was getting ready to head home.  
I had already tried calling Charlie's cell phone twice, once in the morning and once during lunch break. Normally this wouldn't have bothered me much, but after the warning Alice had given me this morning I couldn't help but worry.

During lunch I had been swamped with work, so Angela being the dear that she was had gotten me a sandwich from a nearby deli and large kiwi and lime smoothie.  
It had been during this particular break that I had gotten a call from Edward, his voice sounded a little off, a little more formal. And he had only talked to the point, as if he wanted to get it over with.  
This really shouldn't have bothered me, but it did.

I tried calling Charlie again, and like the last two times it went to voicemail again.

Now I was really getting worried, I tried the house number and then his FPD number, but still no answer.

Making my way to the car, I was surprised to see Ed Masen there waiting by my car.

"Good evening Bella," he greeted.  
"Hey," I replied, my stomach now churning with worry.  
"I would like to talk to you, I'll just take a minute." He said as he looked at my face with worry.  
"No problem sir," I replied rather distractedly.  
"I only wanted to say thank you for making Edward happy again, he hasn't been this happy for quite a while now, and I also wanted to thank you for inviting him to spend Christmas with you. It truly means a lot to me." He said, his eyes suspiciously fogging up.  
"No problem sir, it was my pleasure," I couldn't have said a bigger lie.  
"It's not sir, it's Ed. But thank you all the same for getting my son back Bella." And with that he kissed my forehead and went to his car, no doubt wanting to run away ASAP. Not that I could blame him.

On the whole ride home, my mind was constantly probing as to why Charlie hadn't answered any of my calls.

By the time I was home my worry had only increased, going over a billion different scenarios that could've happened.

After his job as police chief of Forks wasn't exactly risk free. It's not that it had a large crime rate, but when crimes occurred they occurred big.

Holding my phone in my hand I decided to try once more before I had a full blown panic attack. Alice's words from this morning were still running in my head, making me more worried than usual.

I had only just begun to dial his number when my cell phone started to ring, checking my caller id I was relieved to see it said 'Charlie' on my screen.

Quickly pressing the 'receive call' button, I was disappointed to hear Billy Black on the line,

"Hey Billy what's up? Where's Charlie?" I asked, trying to hide the disappointment that it hadn't been dad that had called me, but Billy.

"There was an accident Bella," Billy said, his voice leaking with sadness and remorse.

"What happened Billy? Is he okay? Where is he?" I asked, hysteria now setting in.

"His state is really critical at the moment Bella, he may not be able to make it." He said solemnly.

_You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it._

_You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it._

No, No, No!  
This couldn't be happening, could it?

_You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it._

_You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it._

And with that, the phone slipped out of my hand and everything went black.

* * *

Field of Innocence - Evanescence

_I still remember the world_  
_From the eyes of a child_  
_Slowly those feelings_  
_Were clouded by what I know now_

_Where has my heart gone_  
_An uneven trade for the real world_  
_oh I..._  
_I want to go back to_  
_Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all_

_I still remember the sun_  
_Always warm on my back_  
_Somehow it seems colder now_

* * *

**Dun Dun Dun....**

**Who actually saw that coming?**

**Please do review and tell me what you thought about this chappie, and over all!**

**thanks for sticking around with my really slow updating guys! love y'all!**

**xoxo**

**CDM**


	13. Of Mystery Men and Mushroom Casserols

___Chapter 12: Of Mystery Men and Mushroom Casserols_

Disclaimer - SM owns evertyhing.

* * *

10/12/2009 Thursday (continued)

_

* * *

_

_"His state is really critical at the moment Bella, he may not be able to make it." He said solemnly._

_**You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it.**_

_**You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it.**_

_No, No, No!  
This couldn't be happening, could it?_

_**You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it.**_

_**You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it.**_

_And with that, the phone slipped out of my hand and everything went black._

_

* * *

_

If my life was a TV show, the dramatic music or the tick tock of the clock would have been playing in the background. But since I lived in reality nothing could be heard but the 'beep beep' of the heart monitor.

The last few hours had been a complete blur. Right after Billy's news I had fainted, only to be revived by Alice had her boyfriend Jasper. And surprisingly it wasn't just any Jasper, it was _Jasper Whitlock_, yes the one from 'Whitlock Automobiles'. It was awkward to wake up to your client staring at your face all worried and shocked.

The trip to Forks had all been a blur. How Alice had been able to pack my stuff and hit the road and then reach Forks - all in a matter of 2.5 hours - was beyond me, I mean it does take around 3.5 hours to get from Seattle to Forks!

But at the moment nothing but Charlie mattered. The accident had ruined his police cruiser almost completely and according to the doctors it was a miracle that he survived at all.

But what hurt more than seeing his pale face and feeling his cold hand was knowing that this had been my fault.

_You really shouldn't have yelled at me like that, you will regret it._

And I really was regretting it now. I shouldn't have yelled at him, I should've kept my temper under control; I should have simply shut up!

But what's done is done, and now I only had to wait it out. Wait for what I had no idea.

According to Dr. Gerandy Charlie was now out of the critical stage and he had been put into an induced coma for the next 36 hours to give his body time to heal itself. He had suffered a dislocated right shoulder, broken right leg and 2 punctured ribs along with numerous bruises, scrapes, and cuts.

And now sitting here next to his bed, watching his chest rise and fall with the breaths he was taking, I couldn't help but feel the anger that I now felt at the one truly responsible of Charlie's state.

Edward had lived upto his threat once, which meant that he could do it again! And who would it be next time? Alice? Rosalie? Emmet? Jacob? Billy?

Was he really planning on win my feelings this way? By almost killing my father?

What was I supposed to do now? Running away felt like a good idea, but if me screaming at him caused him to fatally hurt my father, wouldn't running away cause him to actually start killing?

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the devil enter the room, until he was standing behind me.

Just knowing that the reason my father was on this bed so pale, and cold was behind me made tears spring to my eyes.

"I'm sorry but it had to be done," Edward stated, as though he was merely stating todays weather.

"What are you doing here? Why are you here?" I asked my voice cracking.

"I told you that I'll always be there for you," he replied.

"Leave, please just leave," I said trying to contain my sobs.

"I'm sorry," he said once again, with absolutely no remorse in his voice.

"Please just leave," I sobbed, glad that he couldn't see my face.

"I warned you," he said, just as the door opened. I didn't look up to see who had just entered but by the sound of the gasp I was sure that it was Alice.

"I'll wait for you outside," Edward said as he squeezed my shoulder and left.

"So this is that mystery guy," Alice mused, "how's Charlie now?" she asked.

"Nothing's changed, it's all the same, all the same," I said, unable to control the sobs wracking my body.

"It'll all get better soon," Alice comforted, wrapping her arms around me.

Alice tried to comfort me to no use, the guilt and hurt was killing me. It was my fault that my father was on this hospital bed, and no matter what anyone said nothing could change that.

I have no idea how long we sat like that, Alice just holding me and letting me sob on her shoulder.

I was brought back to the present by the sound of the door opening, this time it was Jasper who entered his hands full of water and juices.

"Drink some Bells, it'll make you feel better," Jasper said as he passed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I let go of Alice and took the bottle. My mouth felt dry, and my throat felt parched but it felt as if my throat was blocked, as if I wouldn't be able to swallow anything.

Taking small frequent sips I was able to regulate my breathing and tears, but not the guilt and hurt.

"What did the doctor say?" Jasper asked after a while.

As Alice described to Jasper what Dr. Gerandy had said, I tried to think through what I should do next. Running away was not an option; only screaming at him made him react like this, I didn't even want to think what he would do if I actually did run away!

So the only other option I had was to play along and do as he said, it would be hard but that's all I could do. All I _had_ to do.

So basically all I had to do now was to shut up and agree to whatever he said. So this is what he had me reduced to, a sock puppet.

Just the thought made fresh tears spring to my eyes. I had been so lost thinking that I hadn't realized that Jasper had left the room, and Sue was now here instead.

"Why don't you go home with Alice, Bella? I'll be here with Charlie," Sue said, as she rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

"It's fine, I'll stay here with him," I replied, my voice hoarse and lifeless.

"No Bella, you just came from Seattle. Go home now, get some rest calm yourself down, and back here in the morning." Sue reasoned.

"She's right Bella, go home and refresh yourself, and come back here in the morning." Alice said trying to convince me.

"Fine," I sighed resigned, "But if he wakes up or anything happens call me immediately please," I pleaded.

"You have my word," Sue said as she hugged me tightly and led me out the door, with Alice on my other side.

I wasn't sure if I should have been surprised or appalled seeing so many people sitting outside Charlie's door.

The Brandon's were here, the Black's were here, some guys from the FPD, and Jasper and Edward.

I tried not to make eye contact with anyone; I was physically and emotionally drained.

As I was leaving Mrs. Cynthia Brandon hugged me, and everyone from the police department and Mr. Brandon patted my back.

It wasn't until we were seated in Alice's car did I realize that Jasper and Edward were also with us. I had no energy left what so ever to demand an explanation as to why was Edward was with us, and frankly I was dead scared, not knowing what might spur him on and make him mad.

* * *

It took less than 5 minutes to get home, but it had felt like forever. Home was exactly like I had left it, the grass overgrown, and the paint on the door chipping. Some part of me felt really happy being back home, the place that I'd grown up, the place with a billion and one memories. But the other part of me felt sick knowing that this home too would now be tainted with the presence of Edward.

"Your stuffs already in your room, and there's dinner in the oven," Alice said as she led me inside.

"Aren't you staying?" I asked mildly surprised.

"I'm sorry but I have to leave," she said with remorse coloring her tone, it was fine with me being alone was preferred so I could break down without anyone around, "but I'm glad you won't be alone, now that you have Edward with you!" And with that my heart sank.

So basically I was supposed to sit it out and wait for news on my father _with_ the guy that was responsible for this state of his.

_Life is soooo unfair._

_**But you still have to deal with it.**_

She gave me one last hug before leaving. So now it was only Edward and I, completely alone in my childhood home. I immediately ran to my room picked up the first clothes I could find, my bag of toiletries and ran into the bathroom, before anyone said anything. The shower felt calming; the hot water relaxed my tense muscles and washed away all the snot and salty remains of my tears. But like everything else, it came to an end and now I had no choice but to face what was waiting for me outside.

Reaching the kitchen I was surprised to see that the dinner was on the table, and Edward was nowhere in sight. As I poured myself a glass of water, I felt more than heard him enter the kitchen and sat himself down at the table.

If I could've still have had my way I would have ran from the kitchen and locked myself up in my room, but I couldn't have my anything my own way anymore. So I quietly took my glass and seated myself as far away as possible from him, which really wasn't far enough.

He quickly filled up two plates and handed one to me. Under normal circumstances I would have enjoyed Cynthia's mushroom casserole, at the moment I had lost my appetite. So I quietly sat there playing with my food, unable to eat it. I could feel his eyes on me throughout the meal, but I pointedly ignored him.

"You really should eat something," Edward said after a while, as he served himself to second helpings.

"I'm not hungry," I whispered meekly.

"You should eat something, Charlie wouldn't want you to starve yourself like this," he said trying to reason with me.

My anger fumed, how dare he tell me what Charlie would or wouldn't like? How dare he first hurt him like that and then decide what he would or wouldn't want? Instead I tried to keep it all inside me, but it escaped in my tears that flowed down my cheeks.

"I just don't feel hungry right now, maybe later," I told him again, my voice breaking and dead.

He just sighed and finished his meal. When he was done he wiped his mouth with a tissue and moved closer to me. I would have leaned away but I had absolutely no energy left for anything.

"I told you that it had to be done," he said lowly.

The tears that I had been keeping at bay increased tenfold, and started to flow.

"There was no other way to make you realize that I was serious. You wouldn't have taken me seriously otherwise." He said calmly.

"How can you say that?" I asked him, trying to not let the sobs escape.

"I told you from the very beginning that I am willing to do anything and everything to keep you. You shouldn't have yelled at me like that, instead of answering my question." He replied as though it was some really simple matter.

But it wasn't. And that was all it took for the sobs to come loose.

And knowing that I had no escape, that it was all my fault from the beginning made it worse.

Without thinking I was out of my chair and running to my room. I locked it immediately and collapsed against it breaking down.

"I hate you, Edward Masen," I whispered to no one, "I really really hate you!"

_

* * *

_

In Pieces - Linkin Park

_And you, you will be alone_  
_Alone with all your secrets_  
_And regrets, don't lie_

_You promised me the sky_  
_Then tossed me like a stone_  
_You wrap me in your arms_  
_And chill me to the bone_

_There's truth in your lies_  
_Doubt in your faith_  
_All I've got's what you didn't take_

_So I, I won't be the one_  
_Be the one to leave this_  
_In pieces_

* * *

Even though I may not deserve it please do review and tell my your thoughts on this chappie!

And I would like to say a huge thank you to every one that still hasnt given up on EF.

lots and lots of love,

keep reading,

CDM


	14. Of Tears and Velvety Masculine Voices

_Chapter 13: Of Tears and Velvety Masculine Voices_

* * *

Disclaimer ~ SM owns everything

* * *

11 December Friday (no more year from now on)

* * *

How night turned to morning or how I got on to my bed were two of the few things I couldn't recall. The last thing I remembered about last night was crying, and slamming the door to my room and after that everything else was a blur of tears, snot, and sleep.  
I could feel the dried up tear tracks on my face, and could feel that my hair was a complete mess. My stomach rumbled reminding that I hadn't had dinner and exactly what had happened during it.

The door seemed to be mocking me, as if reminding that I couldn't spend the rest of my life tucked in my bed under the blankets no matter how much I wanted to.

If it wasn't for Charlie, I would have most happily spent the rest of my life locked up in my room – rumbling stomach or not – but apparently life never goes the way you want it to.  
Dragging myself out of bed, I grabbed the first pair of clean clothes I could find, my bag of toiletries and opened my door the tiniest bit to ensure the coast was clear.  
It was.  
The whole house seemed eerily silent, as I quietly made my way to the bathroom.  
The shower was still wet and mirrors were all fogged up. HE had obviously been here quite recently.

A huge part of me felt disgusted at myself for letting HIM inside my dad's house.

Wiping the mirror and looking into it I was mildly surprised to see what was staring back at me.  
To be honest I thought that I would be looking much much worse – maybe even bad enough to make HIM change his mind about me.

Quickly taking the shower and donning on my clothes, I made my way downstairs.  
There was a bowl, cereal, and milk on the kitchen table. Had it been any other person who had done this for me at any other time, it would have made me smile. But since it had obviously been HIM at THIS time I could hardly stop the tears from leaking out of my eyes.

Having lost my appetite, I settled for a glass of water.

How long I had stood there, next to the sink, looking out the window, I don't know.  
But it would have been much longer had Alice not startled me.

"I knocked," she said in a low voice as she looked me over with concern.  
"I m sorry," I replied, trying to not look her into the eyes.  
"You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?" She asked already knowing the answer.

I only shook my head. I knew that she was waiting for an explanation, but what could I possibly tell her?

Mission DLAKAW was something I had planned on doing, but was it still possible now?

Yes it was possible.

Just because my life was now ruined, didn't mean that I had to ruin hers as well.

But what of Jasper Whitlock? Was it coincidence that he was dating Alice, was it all HIS plan, or worse – was Jasper doing the same thing his friend was doing?

But Alice didn't seem to be sad or depressed about being with him; she had been really happy – ecstatic even – ever since they had started seeing each other. Hadn't she only been gushing about him only 5 days ago?

So chances were that it was either option 1 or 2, (hopefully) not 3.  
I guess I'd just have to observe them together to judge properly.  
But asking or telling Alice was completely out of the question – it was impossible.

The both of us just stood there, staring out the window as if it may give us all the answers we were seeking. We would have stood there longer had we not been roused by the sound of a car arriving.

It was Mike Newton; we 3 had been in high school together and he had always had a puppy crush on me.  
It had been pretty annoying, specially since he used any chance he got to ask me out and each time I just rejected him.  
After graduating school he had joined the Forks Police Department and while everyone had grown up and moved on, his emotions obviously hadn't.

Even though the both of us had been expecting to hear the doorbell, it still startled us and made us jump.  
It was Alice that made the effort to go to the front door and open it to him.

"Mike's here to take us to the hospital, Sue sent him." Alice said as she entered the kitchen and pulled me from my thoughts.

Gad for the distraction and the chance to go see Charlie I immediately grabbed my cell phone and jumped into Mike's car right after Alice.

The car ride was awkwardly silent, Mike had tried to start a conversation a few times; but I just couldn't make myself answer or pay attention to anything around me.

Had it been any other day I would have been highly thrilled to know that I had just seen the first few snowflakes fall.  
But it wasn't any other day, and I really couldn't care less about anything but that didn't stop me from wishing on them.  
It may have been highly immature and childish, but it was a faint silver lining.

_I wish Charlie gets better, and all these problems – or that ONE problem – ends._

On reaching the hospital I was astounded to see that there were even more people present today.  
It seemed as though the whole population of Forks was now waiting for news on Charlie in front of his room.  
It was even more surprising to see the amount of get well cards and bouquets waiting for Charlie in his room.

But none if it compared to seeing HIM sitting there next to Charlie as though they'd known each other for years.

I guess my body was now stretched to the limit, and no more did I have the energy react to this scene, no matter how much I may have disliked – hated – this.

I just simply went to sit on the sofa by the window and stared outside.  
My cheeks may have now gone immune to the feeling of wetness of my tears since that's all that's been on them for the last day or so.  
I guess that's why I hadn't realized that a few tears had leaked out of my eyes until I felt HIM take a seat next to me.

Had I been in my right mind I know that I would have moved from this sofa immediately.

Had I been in the right mind I know that I would have shaken off the hand he placed on my shoulder immediately.

And I definitely know that had I been in the right mind I wouldn't have wrapped my arms around his neck and cried my eyes and heart out on his shoulder, while he just sat there with an arm around my waist and the other one patting my back as he occasionally planted small kisses in my hair.

But as it was I was quite obviously not in my right mind at the moment; my mind at the moment was enveloped in complete misery and sadness.

I don't know for how long I had just cried it out on his shoulder, with him just holding on to me.  
By the time reality set in and all the tear ducts my tear glands could have possibly produced were spilled, everything outside was covered by a thick blanket of snow.  
While my heart may have felt lighter after crying out all the remaining pain of the last 24 hours, my eyes definitely felt heavier.

Never in my life had I felt as guilty or disgusted with myself as I did right now.  
Not only because I had been crying on the one persons shoulder who I should hate for the rest of forever, but also because I had found it comforting and nice when I obviously shouldn't have.  
For a few minutes it had felt nice, loving almost.  
Just for those moments it had felt as though he really loved me, but alas nothing lasts,  
As I finally let go of him and had a proper look at my surroundings, I was surprised to see that there was no one but the two of us and Charlie in the room.  
Feeling the shock of what had just happened, I couldn't find it in me to be able to face HIM or Charlie – coma or not.  
Not meeting his eyes – afraid of what I might find there – I ran to the bathroom.  
As I entered the bathroom I tried very hard to not look in the mirror and succeeded.

I had looked like crap in the morning, I didn't even want to think about what I may possibly look like now.  
After relieving myself and splashing my face a few times with cold water I finally found a bit of courage to walk out of the bathroom.

Upon entering the room I was glad to see that it was now entirely empty besides Charlie and I.

As I took a seat next to him and clasped his hand in both of mine I tried not to think of what had just happened and what its complications may be.  
Instead I only focused on Charlie and the monitor connected to him. Each of them showed positive results of his vitals.  
While has told me that he had only been placed in an induced coma for his own benefit and there were now only a little more than 12 hours before he were to be allowed to gain consciousness I couldn't help but feel impatient for it.  
For how long I sat there, holding his hand and reminiscing, I have no idea.  
I was brought back to the present by the sound of Alice and Sue entering the room.

"What time is it?" I asked no one in particular, as Sue sat herself down on the opposite side of Charlie and Alice stood behind with her hand on my shoulder.  
"It's 7 pm Bella," Sue replied, "maybe you should be heading home now. It's pretty late and visiting hours end in half an hour."  
"I'll stay here tonight," I told Sue with authority voice – as much as I could muster – which came was pretty minute and pathetic.  
"I'm sorry Bella but you have to go home, I'm sorry but you look like crap. Go home, get rested and come back here tomorrow." Sue said in her best mom voice.  
"What about Seth and Leah?" I asked her, hoping to convince her to go home and let me stay.  
"They're staying with Billy," she replied as if to end the conversation.  
"She's right Bella, you should come home, you need the rest more than anyone at the moment," Alice commented.  
Knowing that I was now cornered with no escape I agreed.  
"Please call me if he wakes up or anything," I pleaded with Sue.  
"I promise," she replied as she helped me up and hugged me goodbye.

As Alice led me outside I was quite surprised to see that everyone that had been here when I had arrived was now gone.  
The only people outside were Billy, Jake, Jasper and HIM.  
And when like yesterday Jasper and HE joined us to the car, I really wasn't surprised.

Upon entering the car, all the emotional turbulence that I had been through came crashing down on me.  
My eyes were droopy, not staying open for more than a few seconds at time, and my head seems to have been oddly disconnected from the rest of me.  
Within seconds I was dead asleep.

I was awakened briefly when the car jolted to a stop in front of my house, by then my head was on a shoulder – the shoulder felt masculine and smelt quite nice and familiar as well.  
As I got out of the car and tried balancing myself on my own two feet, I saw the pavement rush up towards me. Before it reached me there was an arm around my waist supporting me.

"Is she okay?" I heard a familiar feminine voice ask.  
"She's fine, just sleepy." Another familiar masculine voice replied.  
"See you tomorrow," Some other masculine voice replied.  
Both masculine voices were different; while the first one sounded velvety the second one had a tinge of a southern accent laced in it.

In record time I was inside and trying to climb the stairs to get to my room. The person who had the arm around me obviously realized that I wouldn't be able to make it, so whoever it was picked me up bridal style. While I normally would have protested I didn't want to be let go of.  
As whoever was holding me got to my room and tried to lay me down on my bed, I held on tightly.

"Stay," I whispered to whoever it was.  
"Whatever you want, love." The velvety masculine voice whispered back, caressing my cheek.

The last thing I remembered was cuddling up to the person who was sharing the bed with me.

* * *

Stand My Ground - Within Temptation

_I can see_  
_When you stay low nothing happens_  
_Doesn't feel right_  
_Late at night_  
_Things I though I'd put behind me_  
_On my mind_

_I just know there's no escape now_  
_Once it sets its eyes on you_  
_But I won't have to stare it in the eye_

_Stand my ground I won't give in_  
_No more denying_  
_I gotta face it_  
_Or close my eyes_  
_And hide the truth inside_  
_If I don't make it_  
_Someone else will_  
_Stand my ground_

_It's all around_  
_Getting stronger_  
_Coming closer into my world_  
_I can feel_  
_That it's time for me to face it_  
_Cannot take it_

_Though this might just be the ending_  
_Of the life I held so dear_  
_But I won't run_  
_There's no turning back from here_

* * *

Hey,

sorry for the epic delay in updating!

Thank you sooo soooo much for sticking by EF and bearing with me and my very late updates.

Please do review, you have no idea how much they mean to me!

and if anyone would be interested in beta-ing for me please do pm me!

lots and lots of love

keep reading

xoxo

CDM


	15. Of Slumbers and Awakenings

_Chapter 14 : Of Slumbers and Awakenings_

_

* * *

_

Disclaimer : SM owns everything

* * *

12 December Saturday

* * *

I don't know what had woken me up; it was either because it was too hot or because I was way too comfortable.

At first I couldn't remember anything; not who I was or where I was or what I was doing here or how I had gotten here. It was all a blur.

I could see the sunshine streaming through the window, and somehow I knew it was early – too early!

I was comfortable not thinking much, I snuggled deeper into whatever I was already snuggling with.

And that's when I realized that there shouldn't have been anything, anyone, to snuggle in with besides my blanket, but there was.

This something, most probably someone, was warm and smelt good, familiar yet I couldn't remember where I had smelt it before.

Some part of me was beginning to panic, but I couldn't find it in myself to move from this highly comfortable position.

That's when I realized that there was a pair of arms around my waist, and my legs seemed to be tangled up with – another pair of legs maybe? I didn't have it in me to check.  
Now I was _really _panicking!

Quickly pulling the covers off me I was not surprised but appalled to see that there was indeed a pair of arms around my waist and my legs were indeed tangled up with someone else's.

As I tried to struggle out of the arms, they only seemed to get heavier and tighter.  
Checking to ensure that all my clothes were still on, I was relieved to see that they were.  
As I tried my best to break out of this person's very strong hold, tears began to well up in my eyes and sweat began to bead my forehead.  
Before I knew it I was full out crying; sobs were wrecking through me as my whole body began to shake.

At first the hold the arms had around me got tighter, but slowly they started to loosen up and the arms seemed to be moving frantically as if the person they were attached to didn't know what to do with them.

"Sssh Bella, it's alright," and that's exactly what the voice kept on repeating, but nothing was alright.

I was even more horrified as my brain was finally able to recognize who the voice belonged to.

At once everything poured into my brain: who I was, where I was, what I was doing here. But I still couldn't remember how I had gotten here.

As I finally regained control of my body and the sobs decreased in volume and frequency, I was able to glance at the someone who was beside me and upon seeing who it was the sobs increased and the hate I had for myself erupted with in me.

Not knowing how to channel the hate outward, and my body being unable to contain such amounts reacted by forcing all the food that was in my stomach out. But there wasn't much, at first it was all mainly water and some acid, but afterwards it also contained blood. Lots of blood.

Seeing the blood made my head start to spin, and I could tell that_ he_ was now thoroughly repulsed by the way he ran out of the door.

Was it weird that even though I was in so much pain, some part of me was glad that he was being revolted by me?

The relief was short lived as _he _reentered the room with a bottle of water in _his_ hands. Upon seeing _him_ enter, my already empty stomach tried to heave out what was once in it. As he tried pouring water down my throat, my head felt as though it was floating – disconnected from my body. And the next thing I remembered was _his _horrified expression as my eyes began to droop.

* * *

This time I knew what had woken me; it was the low 'beep beep' from nearby. I was very uncomfortable and cold. The only part of my body that wasn't was my left hand which seemed to be enveloped in something very warm and soft.

On awakening I was mildly surprised to see the very familiar sight of the hospital room before me.

But I was surprised to find that it was me that was in bed and not Charlie or some other person.

As I mustered up the courage to see what my hand was enveloped in, I was relieved to see it was Alice's hand and not _his_.

"What happened?" I asked my voice all croaky, as I noticed the IV lines connected to my hand.

"You passed out," she said; her voice very low.

"What happened?" I asked. All I could remember was puke and blood, a lot of it.

"Your blood sugar levels were very low and you've really been through a lot lately. Your body wasn't able to cope with it." she stated.

"How's Charlie," I asked as I tried to sit up.

"He's fine. He woke up half an hour ago and he's been asking about you," Alice said.

"What did you tell him?" I asked worried now, not for me but him.

"Nothing, just said that you're at home and you'll be dropping by soon." she replied. I sighed, slightly relieved, until another thought came to mind.

"But how'd I get here?" I wondered aloud to Alice.

"Oh, Edward brought you. He told us how you woke up and started puking then passed out. He was highly concerned about you. It looked like he was gonna start crying." Alice replied, as she stared at the wall behind me.

_He was concerned?_

_**Most probably because he saw there was blood or maybe because he was worried that someone may come to some weird yet horrifying explanation and blame him. Who knows?**_

_Obviously he does! Maybe he really does care?_

_**Yeah, sure….not! He's only hallucinated himself into thinking he does! And most importantly what the hell was he doing in my bed this morning? Did something happen last night?**_

_God no, I hope not! And to make it worse, the amazing Bella Swan (I) can't remember anything that happened last night!_

My inner monologue was interrupted as I heard the door opening, my first thought was that it was Charlie, but it wasn't. It was _him._

Seeing _him_ may not have made me want to puke out my intestines, maybe it was because they had been thoroughly emptied a while ago, but the extreme hate that I had felt for myself and him welled up inside me again.

"How are you feeling now?" _he _asked completely ignoring Alice's presence. _His _voice sounded concerned and caring. I hated it!

Being the ever discreet person that she was, Alice quietly got off the chair and was out of the room before I could even get the word 'stay' out of my mouth.

"What happened last night?" I asked; my voice barely above a whisper.

"How are you feeling now?" _he _repeated.

"Please tell me what happened last night," I asked again, my vision going blurry due to the amount of accumulated tears and the heart monitor going completely crazy.

Even through my hazy vision I could tell that _he_ was now panicked, maybe it was the tears, maybe the heart monitor, or maybe both.

"Nothing at all happened. You fell asleep during the car ride home; I carried you inside and laid you on your bed. Nothing else," _he _replied, as he cupped my cheek in his hand.

"Then why were you on my bed this morning?" I asked, the tears now overflowing.

"Is that why you've been so worried and worked up?" _he _asked, a slight tinge of humour deep in _his_ eyes.

I just nodded.

All of a sudden he was dead serious.

"While I know that I may have forced you into many things, I swear to you nothing happened last night and nothing like that ever will without your consent. Ever. Last night when I laid you in bed you wouldn't let go of me, and asked me to 'stay' with you. All that really did happen was sleep." _he _said reassuringly. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Nothing, at all?" I confirmed.

"Nothing at all! Like I said, nothing like that happened and will never happen without your consent first." _he _comforted me as he planted a kiss on my forehead and for the moment I let myself be comforted.

* * *

Forty-five minutes and a whole bag of IV later I was deemed alright and officially discharged upon strict orders to eat and drink more often.

As soon as the discharge papers had been signed I flew to Charlie's room to meet him, he'd been awake for more than an hour now.

Which I guess was a mistake in itself; I should have at looked at myself at least once in the mirror, because the first word out of Charlie's mouth as I had entered had been; "Good God Bella, you look like crap!"

"Good to see you to," I tried to say sarcastically, instead it came out all weak and sad.

"Good to see you too kiddo, so wazzup?" he asked as though he wasn't in a hospital bed and hadn't been in such an immense accident.

"How are you feeling now?" I asked him as I seated myself on the vacant chair on his side and clutched his hand in both of mine.

"Honestly? I feel like I got hit by a bus, but other than that I feel perfectly fine!" Charlie replied, his eyes bouncing with humour.

"Dad," I sighed, "you know that there's a specific time and place for a joke right?" I asked as I accidently cracked a watery weak smile.

"I feel perfectly fine," he said as he noticed the worry in my eyes.

"You sure?" I confirmed.

"Like I said, perfectly fine." Dad said once again.

"I was so scared, I'm so sorry dad," I started to say as my eyes began to tear up again, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault dad, it's all my fault."

The tears were now freely flowing down my face and the guilt was now even more overpowering.

"It's not your fault at all honey; don't go blaming yourself for what happened. You don't have anything to be sorry for. Stop this crying and apologizing now," he tried to say with authority but failed.

_Oh, how can I explain to you that all this is my fault!_

_**Completely my fault!**_

"I'm so sorry dad," I tried to say once again.

Charlie immediately hushed me again.

"It's no one but that damn drivers fault! I'm awake and feeling perfectly fine now, just calm down now," Charlie said as he wiped away my tears and cupped my cheek. I just nodded.

I heard the door open behind me, and I also heard someone enter, but I didn't make the effort to see who it was and almost immediately I regretted not doing so.

"You are?" Charlie asked the intruder.

"I am Edward, sir, Edward Cullen and I am currently dating your daughter."

Crap!

* * *

Just Tonight – The Pretty Reckless

_Here we are and I can't think from all the pills, hey_  
_Start the car and take me home_  
_Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say_  
_Start the car and take me home_

_Just tonight I will stay_  
_And we'll throw it all away_  
_When the light hits your eyes_  
_It's telling me I'm right_  
_And if I, I am through_  
_Then it's all because of you_  
_Just tonight_

_Here I am and I can't seem to see straight_  
_I'm too numb to feel right now_  
_And here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time_  
_I'm too numb to feel right now_

_

* * *

_

A huge bthank you to my new Beta CharmLightLove!

Thank you for correcting and fixing this chapter!

And a huge thank you to all the readers who still haven't given up on EF!

Please do review!

Thanks once again

CDM


	16. Authors Note - End of hiatus

Hey guys,

I suck, I know.  
I can not tell you exactly how sorry I am about leaving this story unfinished. An avid reader myself, I know how painful it is when someone decides to leave a fic as such. Anyways, after realizing that I had indeed bitten off way more than I could chew and the long hiatus, I have decided to re-start this fic. I'm going to change a few things, add some and delete some and all that. You've been patient thus far, and really words fall short.

Anyways, I shall keep this up and mark it as complete And keep me on authors alert, because in like a month-ish I'll start the edited version - probably different name and similar description. And I'll probably also change my name/id - because really, what was I thinking?

Anyways, Peace out CDM (for now)


	17. Author Note - New version

Hey guys,

I've started the new version of _Emotionally Frozen._

It's on my new account – MaryeaZeath

And it's called _Duas Semitas _(9684139)

I've changed a few things, played around with a few things, and just polished others.  
But the basic plot line is the same.  
I've only posted the prologue up so far and I'll be posting chapter one quite soon.

So tell me what you think yeah.  
Really can't wait for your thoughts and opinions.

Peaceout

xoxo


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